We have all experienced the piercing sharpness of a word spoken with the intent to hurt us. There do seem to be those out there that live for the opportunities to judge others, or to spread rumors, whether true or not. The friends we choose in life have access to our trust and the truth that we sometimes do not want to be made public. You don't have to have a deep dark secret of monumental proportions to appreciate the idea that some things are private, and others are hurtful.
The real question is why? Why do people take pleasure in filling the crowd full of lies or hurtful truths whose only purpose is to be destructive. Why do friends let us down and sell out our trust in them? Why do people we sometimes know and love whisper untruths and slander us to the world? It really is hard to say what the motivation or satisfaction is that comes from these acts. Of course we all make mistakes and say things we shouldn't from time to time, we slip at the wrong moment and divulge something that should have stayed in our heart, but that isn't what I am talking about here. The sin of this world is most evident when we as humans decide to be selfish, or seek power and fame at the expense of others. We use what we know, or what we think others might believe, to manipulate the character and reputation of someone else. Gossip is such a powerful weapon, and a devastatingly cruel means to an end.
In Psalms 41: 4-7 David cries out to God to help him. David needs God's grace, and though he has made his life into ruins through mistakes and wild, selfish living, David asks God to put it back together again. All the while his enemies are plotting against him, gossiping about him and creating even worse stories to tell than David himself has actually done. The "friends" that are near him and speak to him, come with disingenuous platitudes, and don't mean anything that they say or do for him. They are only there to spy on him and gather more useful things to twist into their stories; or to make sure that they are seen as loyal just in case it helps them to attain their goals and objectives. No one really cares for David, but for God.
The exception here is a true friend, someone who is there for you, no matter what you're going through. I assure you that these gracious people do exist. When you find one, it is a friendship to cherish. But we must be aware that the ways in which we live, and those whom we associate with, are directly connected with what type of people that we meet. You cannot hope to meet genuine and caring friends if you constantly hang out with people that are abusive in some way, lie to others, "but not to you", or have little sense of right from wrong. Notice very carefully here that I did not list specific places where these types of people might exist.. That's because where you tend to hang out is no guarantee of what type of people that you'll meet. Some people might think a bar will only introduce you to bad, unscrupulous types, but believe me when I tell you, there are just as many liars, cheats, and dishonest people in your local church, as there are at any bar or club. No matter what you have done, or where you have been in life, you've met good and bad people. Those who gossiped about you, and those who treated you like their own family.
The real question then isn't why people act like this, or why you've been betrayed by a friend or loved one, but more importantly, what you did in response to it? I know that my first thought is to find a way to enact revenge. To get "even" with those who have hurt me or my family. It would have been very easy for David to carry out punishment for those acting against him. His guards could have publicly sought them out for execution, or imprisonment. He could have called his army to defeat a rival and take their land, or quietly poisoned the family of the offending party. But in Psalms 41 it doesn't say anything like that does it? It starts out saying that we should respect those down on their luck and poor, that in doing so, you will feel good about yourself. Even more than that though, when people plot against you, and scheme how to hurt you or slander your name, the best answer is to ignore them and concentrate on how to be a better you. In the case of David, he asks God to help him rise above his enemies. Not in might, but in deeds. That he would flourish in spite of their rumors and false accounts. In this way, David's enemies may have seen a broken and weak man at first, but through his faith and desire to have integrity and honor in his life, they eventually saw a strong and valiant leader; one protected from his foes in battle by a charitable and forgiving God. In fact, that is what God does when He looks at us. He has every right to ignore us, to walk by us as beggars, even enemies, stranded on the road of poverty and hatred. God sets the example for David, and for us. He reaches out to us through mercy and grace, and seeks to find the good in us, and spend time with us. He offered His very life to prove that He was genuine, and nothing short of us telling Him to go away, would ever separate us from his love and attention.
Though you may never know the motive for others that attack you, or bring false accusations against you to make you look the fool or guilty, you can decide to seek the best in them. The example we are given is to believe in the part of each other that is giving and compassionate. Knowing that some will hurt you, and some will mock you for being naive or clueless, you will have a power over them and a confidence born from the assurance that you look to them as God has looked at all of us throughout the ages; as poor, dirty, and unworthy people, in search of forgiveness and a genuinely forgiving spirit.
When people talk about you and convict you in the court of public opinion, remember that you are in good company. David spoke of his accusers in Psalms. Moses felt the sting of ungrateful friends and followers, though he continued to follow God's leading, they questioned him and his judgement, even to the point of publicly humiliating him by proposing to go back to Egypt. Jesus was scorned by many "religious" leaders of the day. They were popular leaders in their towns and churches I'm sure. But because Jesus represented something different, or new, they conspired to lie about Him, to accuse Him unfairly, and eventually murdered Him. You cannot predict or control the actions or idle thoughts of others, but you can decide how to respond to it. You can make a difference to the ones closest to you by proving that you believe God's promise to never leave you alone or without His love and mercy. That He will hold you together in any situation of chaos. You can show the people that you work with that you are different through the way that you live your life. Your courage and ethical lifestyle, living in contrast to the world's values that say, "its okay as long as you don't get caught". These are the virtues and promises that protect us from the whispers of the world. Those that lie about us, cheat to win over us, and accuse us, even though the God of the universe has set us free from the guilt of our mistakes. Though you may not yet know how, you can silence them, one day at a time. Living under God's mercy and by His example; loving others, protecting the innocent, and walking through every day as though He was right there, step for step, following along with your life. God does care enough to hear your faintest prayer, and to tolerate when you need to yell, and question why. Why others seem to rejoice in causing you pain, or wish bad things upon you and your life. Bad things done in the secret of silence or the low tones of false friendships are very painful. But just as they can be destructive, God takes the soft and quiet disjointed pieces of our personal destruction and whispers hope and acceptance to our heart; that He loves us just as we are, and in that moment turns what others meant for loss and personal ruin, into our full and successful measure of grace and renewal..
Psalm 41 (msg)
