Crying Out

There are times in all of our lives that we lose hope, or at least the vision of what success would look like to us. Those moments where time can seem to slow down, and our senses seem to become heightened to the realization that we have not become who we thought we would. Or, we have become someone that we don't even recognize. Life can throw many curves and twists into our path. If you are a Christian, then you have at least been told that God always has a plan for you, and will never test you or allow you to be beaten spiritually, beyond the point the He knows, you can withstand. But there are many days, for both you and I, that we look into the palms of our hands and say something like, "God, what did I do to make you leave me?". or,"God, where are you right now,  in this moment of my greatest need? why have you left me like this?"

If those words or thoughts sound familiar, both to your heart and somewhere in you memory, they should. I believe that we all feel them; that feeling of being alone and abandoned. The notion that you are carrying something far beyond your abilities, and you are about to fall. If you also recognize the phrases from your Easter services and movies, then you will know that they were the thoughts of Jesus too. That evening in Gethsemane, with the fire lit, and the sky full of stars and wonder just as it is today, He gathered with His closest friends, which He had poured out His heart to, but they still didn't know His whole story. The weight of the world's deceit and selfishness crushing His beautiful and bubbly spirit. His face, once smiling in love and forgiveness, laughing at the pranks and jovial jokers with which He traveled and lived out His last few years in the companionship of these cohorts, contorted now with the pain of God's plan for His life, and a realistic feeling of abandonment, and being alone.

Do you see yourself in any part of His story? I know that I have my "garden moments" fairly often. Those feelings of despair, worry, or just plain unworthiness. They change from time to time. Sometimes just the feeling of not knowing the direction my life is going is one of those moments that I am overcome on the inside with feelings of fear, failure, and desperation, and most of the time, it's hidden deep and camouflaged well to keep others from seeing. They are real feelings of being left right where God was "done" with me. Like I had served a purpose for a while, but not anymore. I am thankful that Jesus's hardship in the garden reflects hope for me, and for you. Although He didn't know the overall plan, He persevered. He held fast to what He knew, God's promise not to leave us alone, not to overburden us beyond our abilities. I think we sometimes sell ourselves short of the path God lays before us. We tell ourselves that "we could never do that", or "If God wanted me to do this or that He would just make it happen". You must admit, hearing that might make you pause to think, that sure sounds self-centered and faithless. It might be, but I think we all tend to call on God the most when we are in trouble, not when things are going right. At least right according to our plan.

I know that some of us struggle with medical reasons for being depressed, and believe me when I say as a former believer in "wishing away" or "self-correcting" these types of feelings, that just is not possible. Abandonment, failure and feeling like the weight of the entire world is squarely placed on your shoulders is a fact of life that everyone, from time to time, will go through. It is where you put your faith in finding an answer to that crisis that decides the success of your fate. In other words, we all are faced  with insurmountable odds, and the 'no win situation'. Where you seek your answers though, that will determine how your outcome ends up affecting your life and the lives around you.

Looking back to the night that Jesus met His greatest challenge of faith, I see some very important things that He did that may have made all the difference in the world. First of all, He found a place of peace. Possibly a favorite of His; the trees and countryside with the quiet winds you can't find in the city, or a busy life. Second, He surrounded himself with His very best friends. Those people that He loved, trusted, and cherished the most. And if you will take the time to read or know the whole story, most of them fell asleep and He asked them not to; so even though they were there with Him, they were not the only part of the equation to this answer, in some ways, they failed Him. Although if you'll read the story of that night, it sounds like He asked them to pray for Him, and that's the part we don't know about. Did they pray? Did they pray so earnestly that they wore themselves done and fell asleep? In what ever way that it really happened, I see the friends being called around Him, and His asking them for prayer as a huge element to His success with the evening's burdens. Third, in this place of solitude and beauty, or darkness of night under the stars of the heavens, He prayed. He found a place and a condition that helped Him to focus on what He needed to do. Go before God and seek the plan for His life. With the distant support of His friends, doing what they could to be there for Him, He Himself had to give up on fixing the problems alone. Forth, He took the time to listen. I am sure that Jesus was out there a while. I have little doubt that with the deep and committed friendship that He had bonded with His followers, that they would have fallen asleep ten minutes after He left. He was out there praying for a while. He didn't just talk to God, He listened. Today I hear a lot of people say that God just doesn't speak out loud to people anymore. But you see, I don't think that Jesus heard an audible voice that night either. He had a heart connection with His Maker. A connection that if honored in a two-way direction will allow you to hear God's leading in your life. Just as Jesus did two thousand years ago.

Today, with the schedules that we keep, and the jobs that we must excel at, do we keep the direction of our Maker's connection going in a two-way direction? I know for a fact, that I struggle with this. I do talk to Him. I lament, I beg, I even plead with Him sometimes to take away the pains and worries of my world. But do I always listen to His answer. In my case, the outcome has allowed me to minister to so many more of you than I ever could have before my illnesses. I realize that the pain of loss and depression are very real, and very dangerous. I have experienced God and circumstances change my dreams and callings without my permission, imagine my horror at that notion? I thought those where mine to chose and control. Guess again. There is a plan, there is an outcome where you and I make a difference.  But it may not be the plan you were imagining or dreaming of. It may be a plan for you and I to witness to someone in the middle of some very hurtful times or experiences. Perhaps they are the ones that are destined for greatness or a grander stage, and without your journey, without your pain and successes and willingness to share it, they don't ever see the path God has chosen for them. Have you ever considered it from that perspective? I admit that I hadn't either, but how does that make you feel about your life and the choices that you make?

Jesus, at a time of great pain and anguish, laid out a plan for us to look at, marvel about, and then emulate. During His night of decision, He turned to the simple things in life to find answers; Not the business of educational theology, although I am not knocking those with superior biblical and educational understanding here, He turned to a peaceful and calming atmosphere, the trusted support and prayers of family and real friends. Then He included the most important ingredient of all, He found quiet and spoke directly to God. He didn't just beg and plead, but He cried out for His Maker to hear and help him, and He did. It wasn't the plan that He had wanted, but it was the right plan, the salvation plan.

If you suffer today with depression, use the example left for us by the best teacher that ever walked the earth. I know life is not easy, in true fact, it rarely is. Life is a journey as I have often said. A trip through wonderful places of beauty and excitement. Where we often laugh and experience the fullest that life has to offer; love, family, marriage, children, success, grandchildren. But life can also wind through the darkest of valleys as well. Sickness, failure, loss, divorce, depression. There is a saying that I heard years ago when I was coaching kids baseball. It takes ten good comments to overcome one bad rant directed at a child. In life, there will be a roller coaster of events that effect your heart and soul. Don't let the bad ones distract and disconnect you from the Maker. His plan for you is certain and it does contain love, acceptance, forgiveness, grace and success. It does however require us to actually have a connection to God, and to 'cry out' regularly, and then listen. Make sure that you take as much time to listen as you do to talk. He does continue to speak, and you are not abandoned, you are chosen. Allow Him to carry you through those darkest times, when  your strength and mine, are wholly and completely inadequate, but His strength is perfect.

Mark 14: 32-36 (MSG)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Hidden Blessings

Searching for Gods purpose and direction in times when you can't see anything good in your life.

  For years, I wondered if I was the only person to ever question what God's plan looked like for my life. As a boy I imagined being a lot of heroic people when I grew up. From driving those huge trucks like my father, to being a famous singer. Whether defeating evil with a light saber, or being a knight of the round table, I just knew that I was "called" to do something great with my life. And the older that I got, the more I felt like I had fallen short of my real purpose in life.
  It doesn't take a lifetime to experience disappointment or the pain of failure. We can do that as young children, as well as adults. The quest for purpose is hardwired into our hearts. The last time that you went through a hurtful situation, or difficult time in your life, did you wonder what good God could create from it? Have you thought to yourself that the impossibly tough road that a loved one is traveling must be for a reason? We have all wondered those thoughts to ourselves, even out loud, I know that I have pondered them over and over. Whether you look at it as failure, or just a lack of direction, your life's purpose is important to you, it's important to all of us. It makes us feel complete, worthy somehow to the world, that we have something of value to offer of ourselves.
  If you have struggled with your self worth, or wondered what a difference you could possibly make, this message is for you. It's certainly for me, as my life has made some drastic swerves on life's road over the past decade. I continually wonder how God can make something good out of what I am going through; little by little He reveals to me, that He is using each and every event and experience of my life to bless and help others, including people that I've never met.  There is a great life story in the Bible that reaches out to us on just this topic. It is a story of a young man, left for dead, sold to slavery, put into prison, then put in charge of everything to save the country where he was imprisoned, and finally reconciling with his abusers and saving his own family and homeland through his perseverance.
  The story of Joseph is one that has fascinated me for a good deal of my life. As a boy, he was hated by his brothers. Have you experienced a family explosion so violent that one or more of your siblings or parents was hurt physically or financially? I see this often when families are trying to overcome the death of their parent. They fight, squabble, accuse, it is awful to witness. Many families never repair the damage done during this time. The words can't be taken back, and feelings seem to go being hurt, until it's too late to forgive. Families torn apart through abuse, both chemically and physically, leave children and spouses scarred with the emotional distrust of others motives and beliefs. It's safe to say, Joseph started out in his early teen life with a disastrous view of what family was, something that happens all to often still today. And a subject, I am sure, that leaves many thinking, what good can God use this for?
  In our lives, just as in Joseph's, God looks out for us. He wants us to be respected, He wants us to be successful. But sometimes what He has in mind as a success, requires us to experience life in a way that qualifies or prepares us to be used in a certain situation. Remember that Joseph even spent time in prison for a crime that he didn't commit. While in prison he was still positive and working at being a good leader. He helped run the whole prison by the time he was released. That's optimism.
  When these trials come to us, we can't decide that life has become too much to handle, and simply quit trying; although we all feel that these times are too much for us, and there's no way we can come away victorious, I believe that life is a journey best taken one step at a time. In other words, the harder life gets for us, the more basic our mission should become. Just concentrate on living today, doing what makes today it's best. Trust your trials to a God that has your best interests in mind. There is no way Joseph could have imagined that he would end up being in charge of all of Egypt, or better still have his brothers come to him for escape from starvation. Although he had an exceptional gift from God interpreting dreams, I'm sure even Joseph was astonished at the eventual turn of events.
  What makes some people differ from others on how they get through these trials is how they look at, and react to, what they're going through. I know that I don't have the most positive of outlooks on life sometimes. Thankfully, throughout my life I have had family and friends surrounding me that remind me from time to time, to look for the good in situations, to put aside my pessimism. Truthfully, I'll tell you that unless you and I can find a way to do that, to see the good in life's trials, and to at least continue through them expecting God to use them to His advantage, then you will ensure your own failure, as surely as if you are expecting it. Joseph spent years in jail, continuing to be faithful in serving God and his jailers, believing that good would come from his faithfulness. A break finally came to him when the cup-bearer was released and reinstated to pharaoh just as Joseph had predicted, but the cup-bearer forgot what Joseph had said, to please remember him when he was free.. Though he probably thought that his time in prison was nearing an end, two more years went by before that opportunity came. That's perseverance, trust and faith.
  How long do you wait before you become impatient? For me, this might be a trick question, since I am not known to my friends and family to have an abundance of patience. People often talk about the "big picture", but you don't hear many talk about how to actually see it. I believe that you only start to see the reality of the big picture when you have the patience to wait for it to unfold. Somehow, young Joseph knew this. His waiting went on and on, but eventually the big picture revealed itself to him. I sincerely hope that our knowledge of the plan or purpose for our lives does not take as many years as his did, but in all practicality, it likely will. And longer yet, if we don't seek to follow God's will for our lives. Following our plan for happiness, or our own path to what we think is our happiness, can and usually does lead us away from God's plan. Why? Because at our basic lowest level of who we are, we are self-centered, and sinful. Not necessarily the, 'you would rob a bank or murder someone' kind of evil, just the 'not aligned with God's plan for your life' selfish living. Put simply, certain things in our life can seem harmless, but they are fun, and fulfilling to a part of who we are, a need to relax and have fun. What could that hurt, right? Let's look back at Joseph, what if he had given in to the demands of Potiphar's wife? To sleep with her, (Gen. 39). After all she just wanted to have some fun, and no one would find out. He was a slave in their house after all. You see how easy we humans make something wrong sound like it's okay? What do you think would have happened to God's protection and favor in Joseph's life if he had carried that out? Would it have derailed God's plan for Joseph? Probably not, because God can and does use whomever He wants too, whenever He wants too. But surely Joseph's outcome and blessed life would have been different.
  Don't allow yourself to make excuses about how God plans to use you, or about what you really need, or want. The truth is that we all make mistakes. Contrary to popular belief, to God they all look the same. He still has a plan for our lives, a way to take what we have experienced and make it into something that serves His purposes. You cannot predict the outcome of your life, but you can be aware of opportunity. Times when the big picture unfolds just in front of you, and you are called to paint your corner of the canvas. It's how you choose to react to trials and victories in your life that makes the difference. You can just as easily ruin your life by over-celebrating your own successes. When Joseph was given the chance to get even with his abusers, he did just the opposite of what I might think of. What do you think? Could you help those who cast you out of your family's house, and sold you into slavery? He celebrated his victories just as he did his trials, with a positive and forgiving heart. Always with an eye for God's plan in his life or even someone else's.
  This is not an easy subject for me to write about. Although I can say that I usually control my tendencies at being over exuberant upon success, I cannot say that I do that well projecting a positive and forgiving heart. I often struggle with where God's plan is taking me, or maybe it's just the secretive part of me not knowing. Perhaps together, we can all learn that in order for us to see our purpose in this life's plan, we have to be patient, and keep looking for it. All the while, continuing to live as Jesus instructed us, treating others as we would want to be treated, loving the unlovable, and forgiving those who rage and fight against us. Not to be a doormat, but to reach the lost and hurting. God says that He will take care of our enemies; leave that to Him. When we face adversity, stay the course. Believe that you are there for a reason. Seek and do the best in your duties, as if they were being done for God Himself. Believe me when I say, I am writing this to myself as much as to you, but what if we really tried to live that way. Really. Joseph lived to experience the justice of righteous thinking. Doing the right thing, even when the wrong thing has been done to you. I believe that these are the times when God's plan shows us outcomes that we can not possibly imagine on our own. They are the canvas of life which finally displays those hidden blessings.

Genesis: 37, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45 (MSG, the story of Joseph)

The Thief

When Christ was on the cross, there were two men on either side of Him, one accepted Him, knowing that he himself was a sinner and that he needed to ask for forgiveness. The other was a hardened criminal, with an even harder heart. He didn't show remorse for his deeds, and he certainly seemed to make it clear that he didn’t need Jesus to "save" him. He rejected his last opportunity to make his life right before a forgiving God.

If you think about it, these two men represent a lot of us, on either side of the struggle between good and evil. One side seeks forgiveness and a change within ourselves and our motives; the other side is self-serving, mocking all that is good and seeking only the pleasures of life without the responsibilities.

I can imagine these two men might have started out life much the same. Two little boys with dreams of becoming someone great when they grew up. But somewhere along the way, one learned about respect, and honor before your family. The value of good actions and outcomes. The other little boy learned that if he wanted something bad enough, he could just take it. He needed to be tough. He would steal or cheat his way to what he wanted regardless of it being deserved or earned. No one else's feelings or needs outweighed his own. Although they both ended up on a cross as scorned and convicted thieves, there was a difference in their final hours. I believe somewhere in the one man's life, he was blessed with a caring person, maybe a mom or a dad, or a sibling that continued to tell him about the good that they saw in him. That he could be more than he was allowing himself to be. I am sure that by the time Jesus saw him on that cross next to Him, this man was remembering all of the times that someone had told him, “You are more than a thief, more than a bad, uncaring person”. And Jesus saw it too.

If we can open up our own hearts and minds for a minute, and truthfully analyze our own motives, which of the thieves would we be? It’s a sure thing that we are all selfish in our own way. That we all deserve punishment for being disobedient servants. Yes, we represent both of the thieves that died that day. We are the rebels, the ones that don’t want to admit that we are wrong. The failed mothers and fathers. We are the children that have made poor choices and ended up with consequences that we never believed would be ours to bear. The ones that say, “God cannot love me now, I am the one that nailed Him there.” “I deserve everything I get”. And we’d be correct to say that. On our own, without the forgiving grace of Jesus, we don’t deserve saving, and we certainly don’t deserve a heavenly promise of beautiful streets of gold and everlasting happiness.

I am so thankful that the second thief took his last minutes here on this earth to allow God to teach us a lesson through his words from the cross. In his last moments, he was willing to be used as a teaching vessel for thousands who came after him, including you and me. This thief looked at Jesus and said, remember me when you get to your kingdom.

Whispers

          We have all experienced the piercing sharpness of a word spoken with the intent to hurt us. There do seem to be those out there that live for the opportunities to judge others, or to spread rumors, whether true or not. The friends we choose in life have access to our trust and the truth that we sometimes do not want to be made public. You don't have to have a deep dark secret of monumental proportions to appreciate the idea that some things are private, and others are hurtful.

          The real question is why? Why do people take pleasure in filling the crowd full of lies or hurtful truths whose only purpose is to be destructive. Why do friends let us down and sell out our trust in them? Why do people we sometimes know and love whisper untruths and slander us to the world? It really is hard to say what the motivation or satisfaction is that comes from these acts. Of course we all make mistakes and say things we shouldn't from time to time, we slip at the wrong moment and divulge something that should have stayed in our heart, but that isn't what I am talking about here. The sin of this world is most evident when we as humans decide to be selfish, or seek power and fame at the expense of others. We use what we know, or what we think others might believe, to manipulate the character and reputation of someone else. Gossip is such a powerful weapon, and a devastatingly cruel means to an end.

          In Psalms 41: 4-7 David cries out to God to help him. David needs God's grace, and though he has made his life into ruins through mistakes and wild, selfish living, David asks God to put it back together again. All the while his enemies are plotting against him, gossiping about him and creating even worse stories to tell than David himself has actually done. The "friends" that are near him and speak to him, come with disingenuous platitudes, and don't mean anything that they say or do for him. They are only there to spy on him and gather more useful things to twist into their stories; or to make sure that they are seen as loyal just in case it helps them to attain their goals and objectives. No one really cares for David, but for God.

           The exception here is a true friend, someone who is there for you, no matter what you're going through. I assure you that these gracious people do exist. When you find one, it is a friendship to cherish. But we must be aware that the ways in which we live, and those whom we associate with, are directly connected with what type of people that we meet. You cannot hope to meet genuine and caring friends if you constantly hang out with people that are abusive in some way, lie to others, "but not to you", or have little sense of right from wrong. Notice very carefully here that I did not list specific places where these types of people might exist.. That's because where you tend to hang out is no guarantee of what type of people that you'll meet. Some people might think a bar will only introduce you to bad, unscrupulous types, but believe me when I tell you, there are just as many liars, cheats, and dishonest people in your local church, as there are at any bar or club. No matter what you have done, or where you have been in life, you've met good and bad people. Those who gossiped about you, and those who treated you like their own family.

          The real question then isn't why people act like this, or why you've been betrayed by a friend or loved one, but more importantly, what you did in response to it? I know that my first thought is to find a way to enact revenge. To get "even" with those who have hurt me or my family. It would have been very easy for David to carry out punishment for those acting against him. His guards could have publicly sought them out for execution, or imprisonment. He could have called his army to defeat a rival and take their land, or quietly poisoned the family of the offending party. But in Psalms 41 it doesn't say anything like that does it? It starts out saying that we should respect those down on their luck and poor, that in doing so, you will feel good about yourself. Even more than that though, when people plot against you, and scheme how to hurt you or slander your name, the best answer is to ignore them and concentrate on how to be a better you. In the case of David, he asks God to help him rise above his enemies. Not in might, but in deeds. That he would flourish in spite of their rumors and false accounts. In this way, David's enemies may have seen a broken and weak man at first, but through his faith and desire to have integrity and honor in his life, they eventually saw a strong and valiant leader; one protected from his foes in battle by a charitable and forgiving God. In fact, that is what God does when He looks at us. He has every right to ignore us, to walk by us as beggars, even enemies, stranded on the road of poverty and hatred. God sets the example for David, and for us. He reaches out to us through mercy and grace, and seeks to find the good in us, and spend time with us. He offered His very life to prove that He was genuine, and nothing short of us telling Him to go away, would ever separate us from his love and attention.

          Though you may never know the motive for others that attack you, or bring false accusations against you to make you look the fool or guilty, you can decide to seek the best in them. The example we are given is to believe in the part of each other that is giving and compassionate. Knowing that some will hurt you, and some will mock you for being naive or clueless, you will have a power over them and a confidence born from the assurance that you look to them as God has looked at all of us throughout the ages; as poor, dirty, and unworthy people, in search of forgiveness and a genuinely forgiving spirit.

          When people talk about you and convict you in the court of public opinion, remember that you are in good company. David spoke of his accusers in Psalms. Moses felt the sting of ungrateful friends and followers, though he continued to follow God's leading, they questioned him and his judgement, even to the point of publicly humiliating him by proposing to go back to Egypt. Jesus was scorned by many "religious" leaders of the day. They were popular leaders in their towns and churches I'm sure. But because Jesus represented something different, or new, they conspired to lie about Him, to accuse Him unfairly, and eventually murdered Him. You cannot predict or control the actions or idle thoughts of others, but you can decide how to respond to it. You can make a difference to the ones closest to you by proving that you believe God's promise to never leave you alone or without His love and mercy. That He will hold you together in any situation of chaos. You can show the people that you work with that you are different through the way that you live your life. Your courage and ethical lifestyle, living in contrast to the world's values that say, "its okay as long as you don't get caught". These are the virtues and promises that protect us from the whispers of the world. Those that lie about us, cheat to win over us, and accuse us, even though the God of the universe has set us free from the guilt of our mistakes. Though you may not yet know how, you can silence them, one day at a time. Living under God's mercy and by His example; loving others, protecting the innocent, and walking through every day as though He was right there, step for step, following along with your life. God does care enough to hear your faintest prayer, and to tolerate when you need to yell, and question why. Why others seem to rejoice in causing you pain, or wish bad things upon you and your life. Bad things done in the secret of silence or the low tones of false friendships are very painful. But just as they can be destructive, God takes the soft and quiet disjointed pieces of our personal destruction and whispers hope and acceptance to our heart; that He loves us just as we are, and in that moment turns what others meant for loss and personal ruin, into our full and successful measure of grace and renewal..

Psalm 41 (msg)

Thunder in the Desert

          Recently, I was reading about a man that had been lost alone in the desert for nine days. His ordeal was surely one that I cannot imagine. The thirst from not having water would make one desperate enough to drink just about anything in order to stay alive. In his story, life saving rain came at just the right moments to keep him alive, when he was too weak to manage for himself. But there were days that came and went, when no rain fell. I'm sure he thought that the end was near many times; that his life's story in this world had come to an end, there in the California desert.
          One of the dictionary's definitions of desert is, 'any place lacking in something'. It sounds so unassuming, yet a place where any and all organisms struggle to survive is not a place to be. Life can be a series of events that range from your happiest day, to being lost in your own desert. Whether it's a desert of failure in school or work, or one of financial ruin. Perhaps the cruelty of human weakness through disease has come to you, or you can't control an addiction that seems to weigh over you like a massive boulder quarried from shame and self-loathing. Each time you see an end to your circumstances and pain, it turns out to be a mirage of lifeless vapor.
          Imagine yourself in the quiet, starlit night of a dry and lifeless place. The sky is intermittent with clouds, and in the distance, you see the faint flashes of lightning at the horizon. The delusion of hope grips your heart again. Days into your ordeal, you are ready to move toward the promise and find out, for certain, if the rain is real or not. After a seemingly eternity of thirst and heat, you long for the drops of wet redemption to touch your burned and aching skin, to wet the tip of your tongue if only to cool it for a while. This is the image of not only a desperate person in a dangerous physical place, but it also describes our lives in those times when we find ourselves in our darkest, driest moments. Those times when our spiritual tongues are dried and cracking from the lack of living water. When we've lost our direction or misplaced our purpose. We wander in our search for what makes us happy, or fulfilled, and yet rarely discover the answer on our own. The desert can be a place of great peril, and even death. So it is spiritually. If we stay in the desolation of a purposeless life, we will eventually die to the ways of good, mercy and hope. The desert will consume us.
          Unlike the man in my story, we do not have to wait and hope that the thunder will bring us spiritual rain. In John 1:19-23, God calls us to be His prelude. To announce that He is coming to a world of desolation and drought with the healing everlasting water. In John 4: 13-14 Jesus tells the woman that His water will forever quench our soul's thirst. In a few short chapters, John tells us that as we wander in our desert we should keep telling others about what God has done in our lives. Even when we are thirsty ourselves, dry and parched, we should point the way to His living water. In fact, I think that we are the most useful to God, when we've come through our own solitary wasteland. When we have seen and felt the sorrow of loosing a loved one, we are ready and trained to help those in need. To come through a life crisis such as the failure of a business, or betrayal of a friend, this is our desolation ordeal, and if we put our faith and resolve in the right place, it makes us a very credible voice to others in similar situations. I'm not saying that you have to die to understand what death means, or that unless you have been divorced, you can't know the feeling of abandonment or failure. Some people are gifted with the ability to empathize with those in need. But for most of us, the experience of life circumstances trains us to know when others truly need our grace and support.
          I believe that the church was called to help fulfill this function, to share with each other's passion and loss, in ways that would strengthen one another. Sadly, many times that seems to be the lacking ingredient as the modern church searches for purpose, instead of hearts. But do not give up on your search for genuine lives being lived with passion and those willing to share what they have experienced and learned from their conflicts. We do not come together to judge or count sins, we come together to find strength, and endurance. Find your place of belonging, where God's message is emanating from hearts full of grace and a natural caring for others, living day to day by His unchanging words and promises.
          If we are to have a chance for others to see our lives as a light of credible understanding, the fact that we have lived the same crisis or tragedy is a big first step. We are to be that thunder in the distance, the hope of good things to come. Seeing our survival, our continued resilience under fire, gives others an example of what may be close at hand for them, if they pursue with diligence the path towards the well of the living water. Our desert is not one of complete desolation, even though many times it does feel that way. There are many today on this journey with us, as well as those who came before and will come after, and we all look to each other for that promise. That hope of thunder in the desert.

John 1:19-23 / John 4: 13-14 (msg)

Foxhole Faith

     Everyone knows the saying, "there are no atheists in foxholes". Especially when you're in battle; under fire, about to be overrun, and feeling the 'end' is near. Impending defeat from a fierce enemy has a way of speeding up the soul searching that we do to find our purpose, our reason for living. Often that battlefield searching within ourselves reveals a need to believe in a power, an order, beyond what we see and know here in this world. The call goes out to God, save me, or take care of my family. In crisis mode, when things are as bad as the soldier thinks they can get, faith in God is natural, easy, and outright compulsory.

     In our desperate times, we too turn to God, whether it's to save us from something we've done to ourselves, or from what danger someone is about to impose on us. We shout to God when we think He has been unfair to you or subjected a loved one to an illness. Or when a family member or friend is taken to heaven. Even as believers, there are times that we do not seek God until we are frantic enough to admit that we cannot solve the problem on our own. Issues big and small, crisis that are life-threatening or not, each of us has a threshold, an ability to cope, that once reached forces us to seek a source of deliverance beyond ourselves.

Foxholes can hasten your belief in God,

they can even inspire you to reach out to Him for absolution.

But they can also be a great place to hide

     I see two kinds of Christians in foxholes. The new Christians, that just realized how much they need God and are accepting God's grace at light speed because of their immediate need. And the Christian that has known God's grace and forgiveness over and over. The tired and worn Christian, that obeys and takes up the arms of the battle only to find that they can't go on. Exhausted, used up, consumed and eaten alive by the "religious commandos" of the church Pharisee squad, they hide. They hunker-down and take cover, just in sight of grace, but not quite under its full power and forgiveness. Afraid to move, paralyzed by fear, shame, or the ridicule of others. This is a very scary place. To know that you need to move towards God, but not have the ability to move. To see the Savior at a distance, but not believe that He is here to care for you.

     Foxholes are also full of dead soldiers. Those that never found a way out. That didn't believe that they could be saved, or that God could forgive them. This is the condition that I seek to help you and I avoid. We all struggle with acceptance, and self-worth at some point. We think that we've fallen too far or done too many bad things. That we have already chosen our path, and it's too late to change it. The good news is that God doesn't give up on us when we fall. His love is unlike anything we experience here in this world, and his forgiveness stretches farther than you have ever been. Most of His chosen men fell upon doubt and disbelief when Jesus was crucified. As with us, they failed. But God had a plan for them, and though some of them hid in their foxholes waiting for the battle to calm down, grace came to them where they were. You see, those in the foxholes who die because they are too afraid or conditioned to believe that they can make it from where they are to where God is, fail to realize one thing.

Grace meets us where we are

     Scars, defeats, sickness, addictions and all, God sends the might of His generosity and compassion to our hiding place. It pierces the darkness of our lonely struggle to believe that we aren't alone in our foxhole. The truth is that He is as near as the air that we breathe. The deeper you dig, the harder it is to see out of your hole. Don't stop looking for God to answer your call. Don't ever stop. The good news I want you to know is this; He has already answered your call. Before you were in trouble. Before you knew that you needed Him, and before you were born into this world, He loved you and wanted you to know Him. Hiding in your foxhole or not, He has a purpose for your life, and He will meet you on your battlefield. You are the front line and the last line of God's enduring mission to reveal Himself to each of us, through good times and bad. Seen or unseen, He is within reach; do not lose faith. Close your eyes and touch the hem of His mercy and forgiveness as He answers your call, reach out and you will be renewed.

The Strong Survive.. Or Do They

  These thoughts may be a bit self recriminating but as always, the intent is to share my thoughts, and find solace or maybe a hint of a solution in the process of writing them down. Though sometimes I tend to paint with a broad sounding brush, the focus is the topic and how it affects those that indeed fall into the category and subject. My apologies to those of you who have already discovered the secrets of living or do not suffer from the points made hereto.. 

  In wars of times gone by, the brave and the courageous have conquered and fought for the good and the bad. Men and women, who felt a calling of leadership, whose compulsion to be more than ordinary, were the backbone of creating a society of liberty, with rights and privileges. Truly, you cannot have freedom without sacrifice. Over time this burden can become heavier than all the weapons of war itself. Being a strong leader, or the protector of family and virtue, it's a heavy burden to evaluate where duty and love intermix with the stress and dangers of life and doubt. As parents we want to impart on our children the values that we hold dear, the memories that we made with our parents and mentors, renewed and imprinted into their lives. Husbands and wives, doing whatever it takes to protect each other, to spare each other from the stresses, the disappointments, and the pains of life and loss. The 'Strong' hold closely to the value of protecting who and what they hold dear, even if it means sacrificing themselves in ways unknown to those around them. It begs the question; how long can a 'strong' leader continue to sacrifice? What price is paid internally for telling yourself that others are more important than yourself? Over time, piece by piece, you make a deal with yourself saying that it's necessary to protect the ones that you love, or the things the you cherish. Think of it like this; people in life or death situations, the foxholes of life, often pray to God that if He will save them, they will give up some bad habit, or addiction. For strong leaders, heroic leaders, its often a promise to themselves, a deal with the devil within, that if they can just hold on, and be the person everyone expects them to be, the knight in shining armor, that then and only then, will they be given the chance to be called successful, respected, or worthy. Self destructive? By their very nature, some leaders give so much of themselves that it does become self destructive. History shows us over and over where good leaders are destroyed little by little when they give more of themselves, or think more of themselves, than they should.
  I want to focus on just one man of history and biblical fame in my thoughts here. David was born into a family where his worth was subject to jokes and ridicule. His youth was spent in the shadow of his brothers. But God had a plan to use David to lead and protect the people of Israel. Without retelling you the whole story, which you can find in Samuel, Kings and various books of the Old Testament, I am just looking at how leadership eroded Davids inner self. But more importantly how he handled it. And how God handled it! David lived and lead through victories and personal defeats. Some of his actions were despicable, but God loved him and continued to bless and use him. Why? I think it was because David continued to seek the presence and love of God. He found sorrow in his mistakes and grieved the pain that he caused to the innocent. His heart found God's love, one mistake and one victory at a time. This is the message to us from God, and the point of this writing. As leaders; as parents, wives, husbands, and just about anyone that you can think of, God asks us to seek Him in the things that we do. Our leadership skills will be our undoing if we think that we are capable of always being right! Through mistakes, and a humble, heartfelt remorse, we learn to value others and know the frailty of love, respect and friendship. This is how 'The Strong' survive- with success. David instructed his successor, Solomon, to honor the friendships and loyalties of their allies. He also reminded him of the fate of their enemies. Throughout his life, failures and successes, God used and blessed David. And he ended his life on earth regarded as a man of God, and loved by God. 
  Though you and I may never lead a kingdom of David's wealth and power, we do lead. We have children who need mentors and guidance, we have spouses who need love and grace, and we work and live with others who are constantly watching to see what is so 'different' about these Christians. What I hope they see in me, are not all of my failures, but the fact that I keep looking to God and saying, "I'm ready to try again". Do the strong survive? Yes they do; whether they survive and continue as successful, respected men and women depends largely on how they handle their failures in life. It takes very little courage at all to quit when a person fails. It takes a lot of courage to admit your were wrong, and try again, using wisdom and humility to continue to lead or mentor. I hope you haven't given up on yourself, or on how God can use your place in this life to help, mentor, lead and bless others. Somewhere there is a person, or persons, that He has placed in your life-path for just that purpose. How you live and lead through your mistakes is just as important as how you live and lead when you are victorious and successful. The 'Strong' do indeed survive, but they thrive when they realize that alone they are not strong, but with grace and perseverance to seek God and live genuine lives, they can and will survive not only as leaders, but as respected, Godly heirs to a kingdom greater than David's ever was.

Randy
May 17, 2015

The Pretender

   Some mornings when I wake up, I have to take a few minutes and remind myself of who I am. Like the dreams of the night were my real persona and the daytime is just a cover. That’s a good word for what I feel like most of the time.. Cover; what’s my cover story for the day. How will I hide my feelings, my hurts and anxieties today? It is a preciously narrow tight rope that I walk, from the reality of my private and dark emotions to what people want to hear from me. They don't want to hear that I am sad about loss, or that I'm afraid of growing old. They don't want to hear about my aches and pains, or my check book full of dwindling numbers. What do people want from me? They want the Pretender. They want to hear from that quick witted person that makes them laugh, and cheers up their day. They want that strong leader, and that shoulder that’s always there to support them. Being the Pretender takes energy every day. Some days, consuming all that I am just to carry out the charade. I understand that God knows my heart, and He must wonder what and who I think that I am. “He made me to be something more than what I've become”. At least that is what I tell myself. I must be meant for more. And in that thought, the trap is sprung. I set in motion for myself an all-consuming mission to carry out the ill-conceived notion that what I am is not good enough for God, for me, or for anyone else. The Pretender lives to serve and impress others; To be what I cannot be on my own.
   Knowing this, God sent a messenger to me. Someone that I could not doubt. An innocent yet trustworthy voice of reason in my world of disengaged thinking. In my children I found acceptance. I found value. And yes, I found a reason to live outside the pain and uncertainty that life piles on us every day. On occasion I pretend to protect them by playing my part, doing what’s expected, and putting on a happy face, but they see through my efforts from time to time, and remind me that they want to be with and love the real person that I am. I still have the darkness that chases my thoughts. When I struggle with the part of me that I don't want them to experience, I remind myself that God granted me their love and company so that I could learn to adapt. To change myself a little each time that I get a hug, or a hand drawn card or picture. The Pretender still walks with me every day; inside of me he’s whispering to my mind, that who I am and what I deserve is not happiness and love. But as I wake every day, through the aches and pains of growing older and finding out that I’m not who I thought that I would grow up to be, I do my best to be a real dad, a loving husband, a good son, and a genuine man.

-Randy
(2015)