Revision

  We live in an era where the family structure has taken a beating with the popular opinion that "it takes a village" and not necessarily good parents to raise and train our children. While I don't deny that good mentors and even a few great teachers along the way taught me some important things about life and myself, the thought that I am talking about here are parents that relinquish or even shrug their responsibility to nurture and raise their children to be the best that they can be. I am always shocked to hear people agree that parenting today is harder than ever and that they welcome the influence and uninhibited input from our schools and media. I may be wrong, but looking back in my family's past, I see plenty of tough times. My parents came from relatively poor families, and as kids, my brothers and I had to work for things that we wanted. Extravagance was never part of our lives. So it seems perspective makes a big difference when you are looking at your surroundings, both financial and spiritual. As small children, we all learn our value and self-worth in a few short years. We pick up the mannerisms and habits of our parents or guardians, good and bad. If you have ever struggled with your self-image, an addiction, or abusive behavior because of what you learned as a child, then the rest of this message is focused for our mutual thought and healing.

     What formula in life can take children who overcome a family history of drug and alcohol abuse or physical and mental exploitation, and lead them to become happy and healthy adults, seemingly free from the hereditary hangups of their past? How do you take a tragically bad memory, learn and grow from it, without digging it up all the time? Just referring to it in a discussion can seem to cause us to relive it again and again. My mom and dad both came from families where alcohol and the abusive behavior of their fathers were almost considered normal. Neither my mom or my dad brought up those bad times very often, most of the time they only referred to their families' in good ways and how they had learned from the bad experiences that they never wanted to burden their children with such pain. And they never did.

     They were so convinced that they could alter who they were, that they took what were sometimes extreme measures, to make sure that the example that they set for us boys was not one filled with the same abuses that they had grown up with. They began by first dealing with their own lives. I think they decided that if they didn't have those things in their lives, then we would learn that it wasn't necessary to have them in ours either. Within their self-examinations, they also returned to roots involving the church and began to seek out God. Both of my grandmothers were very good women; although my mother's mother admitted that she wasn't a very good judge of men, married four times and eight children; one day as a young boy I asked her if she was ever going to get married again, without any time to consider the answer, she retorted, "I surely don't need another man in my life". For all of my life, and until her passing, she was true to her word. My father's mother was a very religious and kind spirit, she provided the very early dialog that pointed my mom and dad towards the church. I think that was the final step for them in finding what could make a difference in changing their life... Eventually, they found and started to attend a very actively growing and friendly church. In the lives of my brothers and myself, that church and the determination that my mother and father had to change their lives for the better, created a paradigm shift within our family, one that would change the course of who and how my brothers and I grew up. Certainly, we were not perfect, we made our share of mistakes and got ourselves into plenty of trouble, and still do on occasion. However we all grew up to find success; success in business, success in marriage, and success with our families and children. How can you look at that outcome and not realize that mom and dad had really figured out something big?

     You may find yourself being that person who needs to do the changing, or you may be the one hoping to live through something horrible and are simply trying to survive. I encourage you to find something positive and real, not fantasy or a temporary fix, to put in your field of emotional and spiritual vision. Try not to focus too much on what is painful or wrong in your life; instead, seek out the One who made every part of you. The creator of who and how you are. It may seem overly simple, but God does have a plan for you, and it isn't being abused or abusing others, or yourself. I don't want to talk specifics about steps to success here, there are plenty of groups and organizations out there that do that. I am talking to you directly and saying, we all have our life moments when we have to rise above the noise that is the evil and sorrow of this world. My point here is simply to reaffirm to you that it is possible to overcome such adversities. Regardless of the method that you choose to make change happen, be encouraged that success is within your grasp. Remember that you may not be able to change your past, but you can decide that your future will be different. You choose each pathway in your life, and how you choose will determine not only your destination but the legacy you leave when you're gone.

     There are so many self-help books out there, and slickly advertised plans that are guaranteed to "fix" your life and make you happy, it boggles the mind to think about the money we all spend, trying to find that permanent fix to our addictions, depression or failed marriages. But it's like someone who's trying to quit smoking. They can chew the special gum, get hypnotized, wear a hidden patch, or go to meetings with other smokers that all talk about quitting in-between "smoke" breaks, but until they decide to quit, until that, "I'm quitting right now" moment comes to them, most of these other answers will be short-lived and ineffective. That said, let's look at our own lives, the real picture of it, not the mask we wear in public, at church or to work. Maybe you always feel overwhelmed with mountains of depression or an addiction that controls your every train of thought; In the quiet of your own heart, and without the distractions of your life crowding inward, ask yourself for an honest answer to this question, do you really want to make a change? Is it time for a paradigm shift in your life? If so, then now may just be your time to put your mind, heart, and soul at work together toward a common goal, to make the things you need to change in your life, become reality.

  Start by seeking God. Have a conversation with Him, and be honest. Pray for strength and wisdom to identify the habits and the people in your life that need to change, or completely be rid of. Sometimes we hang on to people and things that just remind us of where we have failed. Choose those whom you can talk to, and don't just dump on them, listen; and be open to the thinking that you can change. To be clear, I am not saying that everything or anything is your fault. Change sometimes means that we are giving others too much responsibility in our lives. There are far too many avenues to explore here to usher in a new you in this short message, but if I can keep it simple and just say, God understands who you are. He knows your habits, and how hard it is to put them down. All He asks of you is to try. To seek help where it can do you good. Find friends and a church that makes a difference in your life, one where you are moved to stretch your spiritual legs and grow. Real followers of Christ, Christians, are still at best, sinners. So don't put anyone on a pedestal. Live in His grace, it is free, and it's the only secure path to finding peace. Learn to love yourself in spite of what you see in the mirror of your memories. God's forgiveness is fathomless, that means as far as it is from the earth to the sky, and then a thousand times more, He has forgotten your failures. Choose to end your addictions, abuses and bad habits and give them over to His love and grace. That probably will not be an easy thing, it usually isn't, but it is a worthwhile endeavor. You and your family can start today on your path of deliverance from whatever separates you from the perfect path God has chosen for you. Do not give up when you fail. The disciples failed, lied and hid-out to save themselves during their painful learning process, and God picked them up, dusted them off and helped them to become more than they could ever dream. You can live a life of purpose, overcome your past and its hold on you, but the first step is yours, you have to seek God and accept the grace and love that He will pour out on you. It's not easy, I know all to well the trap of fear and complacency when it comes to change, but the joy and freedom that will come from winning this battle, and the story you will have to share with others that suffer from the same trials you have won victory over, will shine the light of glorious transformation over your life, and prove beyond a doubt, that God is a God of renewal and revision for the beggar standing at the doorway of grace.