Inventory

     Taking inventory of our lives and actions, what a daunting task. When I think of it I am both terrified, and joyful. Because like most of you, my life is full of failures, some of them whoppers to be honest. But also some really wonderful times sprinkled throughout a life of learning what it means to be human. When I was younger, I worked part-time in the summer and winter breaks as an inventory specialist for a local tractor company. Actually, I started out hoeing weeds and picking up litter, and as they ran out of things to assign to me, I was put to use performing the least favorite task of just about everyone that worked there. No, it wasn't being the bathroom janitor for a bunch of burly mechanics that spent their lunches at the near by flea market enjoying the local taco truck cuisine. I was put to work in the parts warehouse, opening every drawer, looking on every shelf, counting how many nuts, bolts, and washers that the company had on hand. The regular parts staff usually hated this job. But for me, it was money for girls, cars, and all those other things a high school boy needs or wants, so I was open to pretty much whatever it took to get paid. One thing that I learned from that experience was to be thorough. Count twice, check and recheck, never assume.
     When I think of taking inventory of my life actions and attitudes in that same thorough way, I start to run for the proverbial door to escape my own condemnation. If we look back on our own failures and emotional tragedies with the power of the 'truth', we will find that we are all evil by nature. In fact the Bible points out that we have all lived lives that have fallen short of God's plan for us. (*) That we are all sinners in need of a miracle to fore go the just reward earned through the deeds of our nefarious nature. Certainly we should look back. Not to judge ourselves as evil, but to learn and improve from our mistakes. Forgiveness from stupidity and ignorance, should not be viewed as a license for repetition. Looking back, taking inventory of our lives, must include the sight correction that grace affords us. Don't use that opportunity to pronounce yourself unworthy, or worthless, use the knowledge of the past to inspire your future. See the good in your life, not just the bad. In all of us is the ability to feel overwhelmed by life's speed and relentless tug to do more, be more, accomplish more. That idea is a trap.

     I spoke of life lessons, higher learning and success often with my Dad. He was a kind soul, with a flair for wisdom through experience. One day we were talking about a man that I knew from work, he was going to school at night and online to finish his masters degree. The man had spent countless nights apart from his children, become somewhat estranged from his wife. He had lost part of the fire to pursue happiness without the reward of money, or power. I'm sure you're beginning to see the picture. My Dad finally asked me, "how much do you think is enough"? He was asking me to think about the man's situation; was the fact of having the degree, going to school, worth the losses he was experiencing in his marriage, his home, and family? As God would have it happen, a day or two later, that same man asked me into his office to discuss a business matter. When the subject of his hard word and struggle with school and the decision of whether or not to continue with it came up, I just listened. I didn't go into his office intending to say anything about what my Dad had said to me. After a minute of talking he paused, and I finally asked him what my Dad had asked me, "how much is enough"? We discussed the raise that it would afford him and his family. We talked about the respect of his peers as he would then be as "successful" as they were. I just kept asking him the same question, but in different ways. Will this degree make you closer to your wife? Will this promotion help your relationship with your children. We spent a few minutes taking inventory of the causes and effects of his choices. Later, he eventually decided to postpone his masters efforts until his children were older and he had more time. And happily, his marriage, children, and his promotion all worked out for the best. That day did make me think about my own choices though, and take a hard look at why I was pursuing some of them.

     When you look back and inventory your own life, what will it consist of? Where will your priorities and gifts be accountable? I am not saying that higher learning and gaining a degree or promotion isn't Godly or the right thing for you to do. What I am saying is, why are you doing it. Is it a positive in your life? In the life of your spouse or family? Or is it weighing you down, changing your priorities to less than righteous plans? It doesn't have to be job or school related. Putting your priorities anywhere that takes away from your responsibilities to your spouse, family, or faith is the way that your inventory gets altered. You see, we all have inventory. Choices and events in your life, both good and bad, create inventory. We control what kind of stockpile that is built up as a result of our lives and efforts. Do you suppose that when we stand before God, in the life after this one, and He asks us, "what have you done for My kingdom?" that you or I would likely answer; I abandoned my kids and wife in order to complete my degree, so that I could gain respect or get a raise. Do you think that we will answer, I didn't spend time at home, because I was serving and volunteering at my church, they needed me after all. Again, I'm not trying to say that being successful, or having a great higher education, or serving in your church or community is a bad thing; please hear that. But the inventory that is really important, the account that God seeks from you and I the most, is our inventory of people. How many lives did you affect for good? Did you love your kids and teach them the honor and respect of having a great earthly father? Did you stand by your commitment to love their mother through sickness and health? That is the inventory that someday, you will be asked to recount. Did we feed the hungry, cloth the poor. And try this one, did you share the grace of the Gospel with someone that really desperately needed to hear it? Money, fame, education and power, those things alone don't make a good inventory. Most of the time though, they don't ruin it either. We do that all on our own. When we rely on our status to make us happy or worthy, we've set ourselves on a path towards disappointment in God's eyes.

     When you look back at your life, whether you live to be 20 or 100 years old, what will you see? Will you see the emptiness of success without God's calling upon your life, or will you see the balance of serving His purpose and loving others into His kingdom. The storehouse that I want to see in my life's history is full of family and friends, but less familiar faces as well. People that I ministered too without knowing it or them necessarily, by living a ragamuffin Christian life. A life that isn't perfect, but is seeking to do anything that I can, to share the grace that I have been given. It may be that your time has come to adjust your inventory. That's what we used to do when the number of actual items found in the stock room didn't match what the list said we should have. If you have been looking into your own personal storehouse of life and are not liking what you see, adjust your inventory. Take the proactive approach to change your priorities, to seek God's plan in your life, to make your marriage and your family the valued asset that it's intended to be. Seek out the Master's list for your inventory, and in the end, the result on that day He calls you to recount your life's priorities, you will find it full of loved ones that know God's grace, family members that love and respect you, and a lot of surprising strangers that, through your life of virtue and goodness, are better off for having known you.

(*) Romans 3:2

The Strong Survive.. Or Do They

  These thoughts may be a bit self recriminating but as always, the intent is to share my thoughts, and find solace or maybe a hint of a solution in the process of writing them down. Though sometimes I tend to paint with a broad sounding brush, the focus is the topic and how it affects those that indeed fall into the category and subject. My apologies to those of you who have already discovered the secrets of living or do not suffer from the points made hereto.. 

  In wars of times gone by, the brave and the courageous have conquered and fought for the good and the bad. Men and women, who felt a calling of leadership, whose compulsion to be more than ordinary, were the backbone of creating a society of liberty, with rights and privileges. Truly, you cannot have freedom without sacrifice. Over time this burden can become heavier than all the weapons of war itself. Being a strong leader, or the protector of family and virtue, it's a heavy burden to evaluate where duty and love intermix with the stress and dangers of life and doubt. As parents we want to impart on our children the values that we hold dear, the memories that we made with our parents and mentors, renewed and imprinted into their lives. Husbands and wives, doing whatever it takes to protect each other, to spare each other from the stresses, the disappointments, and the pains of life and loss. The 'Strong' hold closely to the value of protecting who and what they hold dear, even if it means sacrificing themselves in ways unknown to those around them. It begs the question; how long can a 'strong' leader continue to sacrifice? What price is paid internally for telling yourself that others are more important than yourself? Over time, piece by piece, you make a deal with yourself saying that it's necessary to protect the ones that you love, or the things the you cherish. Think of it like this; people in life or death situations, the foxholes of life, often pray to God that if He will save them, they will give up some bad habit, or addiction. For strong leaders, heroic leaders, its often a promise to themselves, a deal with the devil within, that if they can just hold on, and be the person everyone expects them to be, the knight in shining armor, that then and only then, will they be given the chance to be called successful, respected, or worthy. Self destructive? By their very nature, some leaders give so much of themselves that it does become self destructive. History shows us over and over where good leaders are destroyed little by little when they give more of themselves, or think more of themselves, than they should.
  I want to focus on just one man of history and biblical fame in my thoughts here. David was born into a family where his worth was subject to jokes and ridicule. His youth was spent in the shadow of his brothers. But God had a plan to use David to lead and protect the people of Israel. Without retelling you the whole story, which you can find in Samuel, Kings and various books of the Old Testament, I am just looking at how leadership eroded Davids inner self. But more importantly how he handled it. And how God handled it! David lived and lead through victories and personal defeats. Some of his actions were despicable, but God loved him and continued to bless and use him. Why? I think it was because David continued to seek the presence and love of God. He found sorrow in his mistakes and grieved the pain that he caused to the innocent. His heart found God's love, one mistake and one victory at a time. This is the message to us from God, and the point of this writing. As leaders; as parents, wives, husbands, and just about anyone that you can think of, God asks us to seek Him in the things that we do. Our leadership skills will be our undoing if we think that we are capable of always being right! Through mistakes, and a humble, heartfelt remorse, we learn to value others and know the frailty of love, respect and friendship. This is how 'The Strong' survive- with success. David instructed his successor, Solomon, to honor the friendships and loyalties of their allies. He also reminded him of the fate of their enemies. Throughout his life, failures and successes, God used and blessed David. And he ended his life on earth regarded as a man of God, and loved by God. 
  Though you and I may never lead a kingdom of David's wealth and power, we do lead. We have children who need mentors and guidance, we have spouses who need love and grace, and we work and live with others who are constantly watching to see what is so 'different' about these Christians. What I hope they see in me, are not all of my failures, but the fact that I keep looking to God and saying, "I'm ready to try again". Do the strong survive? Yes they do; whether they survive and continue as successful, respected men and women depends largely on how they handle their failures in life. It takes very little courage at all to quit when a person fails. It takes a lot of courage to admit your were wrong, and try again, using wisdom and humility to continue to lead or mentor. I hope you haven't given up on yourself, or on how God can use your place in this life to help, mentor, lead and bless others. Somewhere there is a person, or persons, that He has placed in your life-path for just that purpose. How you live and lead through your mistakes is just as important as how you live and lead when you are victorious and successful. The 'Strong' do indeed survive, but they thrive when they realize that alone they are not strong, but with grace and perseverance to seek God and live genuine lives, they can and will survive not only as leaders, but as respected, Godly heirs to a kingdom greater than David's ever was.

Randy
May 17, 2015

Blind Spots

          Have you ever noticed that you do something and it doesn't turn out quite the way you planned? Perhaps you look back at your life and wish you had taken different roads than you did. Before you think I’m going somewhere real spiritual, hold on... I’ll call them ‘blind spots’. Places where you made a choice, but got a result or an answer that you didn't expect, or want. I know that you might be thinking, "wow he really has no idea “... Or maybe you think you don’t have any blind spots. Well I certainly do. I am not the sort of person that constantly lives life looking in my own personal rear view mirror to see where I was wrong and where I have been right. But those blind moments still remind me that in moments when my priorities get out of line with my morality, I suffer. And usually they remind me with a flare for vividness.

          I have recently come to recognize, that I am not who I think I am. Or, rather maybe it is that I need to stop trying to be the person others want me to become. How I have fallen into this pit, I don’t know. Not that I blame others for my choices, I made all of them without coercion. When did I become such a people pleaser that I can’t say no long enough to make time for my family? Many of you may know that I really enjoy traveling, and we try to RV from time to time, enjoying some history here, and some wonderfully beautiful scenery there. Lately it has been a long time in between trips. And not just because of a down turn in the economy, or a lack of money. I know how to plan cheap if I need to. Really, it has just been a lack of desire, or should I say effort. It seems I can help create blind spots for my life even without knowing it. Those can catch you napping and be right in your face before you know it. But the ones that seem to hurt the most are the blind spots that I knowingly create due to bad choices. You know the ones. It isn't right, and you know it isn't right, but its fun, or daring, or makes you look good, or cool, or important.
          Did you create your spot at someone else’s expense? Well I have, more than once. All that I can say is that it didn't feel as good or exciting as I thought it would. And if I had known the price, I hope that I would have made a different choice. I know all of us have second thoughts about ourselves and our decisions in life, and that's what I am writing about here. Where are your blind spots? I am only now starting to recognize a whole new area of them in my life. It seems they control more of what I do than I once thought. I hope by acknowledging them, it will be harder for them to control me.
          Maybe, you and I can start looking to resolve some of them.. I know that sounds good, but how do you really do it? In life sometimes you need a little push to do what is right. I got a new push recently. Actually it seemed more like a shove. Don’t wait for your shove, they can really hurt, and sometimes leave a mark. It is my mind that wants to run wild looking to impress and delight in things that can create blind spots and lead to the hurtful reality of an addiction, pride, or careless thinking. So how is it that we don’t let that happen? Well, I said that I wouldn't get all “spiritual” on you, but the fact is it takes a responsible attitude toward a “higher” power for you to realize that it isn't all about you. The way to prove that you aren't into life for just what you can get out of it is to love others.
          You might remember that I was just lamenting the fact that I already don’t take the time to be with and honor my own family regularly. There lies the real problem. I do my share of giving towards the benefit of others. But it isn't done with the right mindset. Do I just give freely, or am I trying to gain some acceptance through my giving? I know the answer to that question for me. Can you answer it for yourself? I hope you’ll take some time to examine your motives in life. Why do you do the things that you do? What outcome are you looking for? Whose acceptance are you trying to earn? Maybe if we both come up with our real answers to those questions, we’ll be able to avoid making new blind spots in our lives.
-Randy

(this re-posting is from 2009)