The Thief

When Christ was on the cross, there were two men on either side of Him, one accepted Him, knowing that he himself was a sinner and that he needed to ask for forgiveness. The other was a hardened criminal, with an even harder heart. He didn't show remorse for his deeds, and he certainly seemed to make it clear that he didn’t need Jesus to "save" him. He rejected his last opportunity to make his life right before a forgiving God.

If you think about it, these two men represent a lot of us, on either side of the struggle between good and evil. One side seeks forgiveness and a change within ourselves and our motives; the other side is self-serving, mocking all that is good and seeking only the pleasures of life without the responsibilities.

I can imagine these two men might have started out life much the same. Two little boys with dreams of becoming someone great when they grew up. But somewhere along the way, one learned about respect, and honor before your family. The value of good actions and outcomes. The other little boy learned that if he wanted something bad enough, he could just take it. He needed to be tough. He would steal or cheat his way to what he wanted regardless of it being deserved or earned. No one else's feelings or needs outweighed his own. Although they both ended up on a cross as scorned and convicted thieves, there was a difference in their final hours. I believe somewhere in the one man's life, he was blessed with a caring person, maybe a mom or a dad, or a sibling that continued to tell him about the good that they saw in him. That he could be more than he was allowing himself to be. I am sure that by the time Jesus saw him on that cross next to Him, this man was remembering all of the times that someone had told him, “You are more than a thief, more than a bad, uncaring person”. And Jesus saw it too.

If we can open up our own hearts and minds for a minute, and truthfully analyze our own motives, which of the thieves would we be? It’s a sure thing that we are all selfish in our own way. That we all deserve punishment for being disobedient servants. Yes, we represent both of the thieves that died that day. We are the rebels, the ones that don’t want to admit that we are wrong. The failed mothers and fathers. We are the children that have made poor choices and ended up with consequences that we never believed would be ours to bear. The ones that say, “God cannot love me now, I am the one that nailed Him there.” “I deserve everything I get”. And we’d be correct to say that. On our own, without the forgiving grace of Jesus, we don’t deserve saving, and we certainly don’t deserve a heavenly promise of beautiful streets of gold and everlasting happiness.

I am so thankful that the second thief took his last minutes here on this earth to allow God to teach us a lesson through his words from the cross. In his last moments, he was willing to be used as a teaching vessel for thousands who came after him, including you and me. This thief looked at Jesus and said, remember me when you get to your kingdom.

Whispers

          We have all experienced the piercing sharpness of a word spoken with the intent to hurt us. There do seem to be those out there that live for the opportunities to judge others, or to spread rumors, whether true or not. The friends we choose in life have access to our trust and the truth that we sometimes do not want to be made public. You don't have to have a deep dark secret of monumental proportions to appreciate the idea that some things are private, and others are hurtful.

          The real question is why? Why do people take pleasure in filling the crowd full of lies or hurtful truths whose only purpose is to be destructive. Why do friends let us down and sell out our trust in them? Why do people we sometimes know and love whisper untruths and slander us to the world? It really is hard to say what the motivation or satisfaction is that comes from these acts. Of course we all make mistakes and say things we shouldn't from time to time, we slip at the wrong moment and divulge something that should have stayed in our heart, but that isn't what I am talking about here. The sin of this world is most evident when we as humans decide to be selfish, or seek power and fame at the expense of others. We use what we know, or what we think others might believe, to manipulate the character and reputation of someone else. Gossip is such a powerful weapon, and a devastatingly cruel means to an end.

          In Psalms 41: 4-7 David cries out to God to help him. David needs God's grace, and though he has made his life into ruins through mistakes and wild, selfish living, David asks God to put it back together again. All the while his enemies are plotting against him, gossiping about him and creating even worse stories to tell than David himself has actually done. The "friends" that are near him and speak to him, come with disingenuous platitudes, and don't mean anything that they say or do for him. They are only there to spy on him and gather more useful things to twist into their stories; or to make sure that they are seen as loyal just in case it helps them to attain their goals and objectives. No one really cares for David, but for God.

           The exception here is a true friend, someone who is there for you, no matter what you're going through. I assure you that these gracious people do exist. When you find one, it is a friendship to cherish. But we must be aware that the ways in which we live, and those whom we associate with, are directly connected with what type of people that we meet. You cannot hope to meet genuine and caring friends if you constantly hang out with people that are abusive in some way, lie to others, "but not to you", or have little sense of right from wrong. Notice very carefully here that I did not list specific places where these types of people might exist.. That's because where you tend to hang out is no guarantee of what type of people that you'll meet. Some people might think a bar will only introduce you to bad, unscrupulous types, but believe me when I tell you, there are just as many liars, cheats, and dishonest people in your local church, as there are at any bar or club. No matter what you have done, or where you have been in life, you've met good and bad people. Those who gossiped about you, and those who treated you like their own family.

          The real question then isn't why people act like this, or why you've been betrayed by a friend or loved one, but more importantly, what you did in response to it? I know that my first thought is to find a way to enact revenge. To get "even" with those who have hurt me or my family. It would have been very easy for David to carry out punishment for those acting against him. His guards could have publicly sought them out for execution, or imprisonment. He could have called his army to defeat a rival and take their land, or quietly poisoned the family of the offending party. But in Psalms 41 it doesn't say anything like that does it? It starts out saying that we should respect those down on their luck and poor, that in doing so, you will feel good about yourself. Even more than that though, when people plot against you, and scheme how to hurt you or slander your name, the best answer is to ignore them and concentrate on how to be a better you. In the case of David, he asks God to help him rise above his enemies. Not in might, but in deeds. That he would flourish in spite of their rumors and false accounts. In this way, David's enemies may have seen a broken and weak man at first, but through his faith and desire to have integrity and honor in his life, they eventually saw a strong and valiant leader; one protected from his foes in battle by a charitable and forgiving God. In fact, that is what God does when He looks at us. He has every right to ignore us, to walk by us as beggars, even enemies, stranded on the road of poverty and hatred. God sets the example for David, and for us. He reaches out to us through mercy and grace, and seeks to find the good in us, and spend time with us. He offered His very life to prove that He was genuine, and nothing short of us telling Him to go away, would ever separate us from his love and attention.

          Though you may never know the motive for others that attack you, or bring false accusations against you to make you look the fool or guilty, you can decide to seek the best in them. The example we are given is to believe in the part of each other that is giving and compassionate. Knowing that some will hurt you, and some will mock you for being naive or clueless, you will have a power over them and a confidence born from the assurance that you look to them as God has looked at all of us throughout the ages; as poor, dirty, and unworthy people, in search of forgiveness and a genuinely forgiving spirit.

          When people talk about you and convict you in the court of public opinion, remember that you are in good company. David spoke of his accusers in Psalms. Moses felt the sting of ungrateful friends and followers, though he continued to follow God's leading, they questioned him and his judgement, even to the point of publicly humiliating him by proposing to go back to Egypt. Jesus was scorned by many "religious" leaders of the day. They were popular leaders in their towns and churches I'm sure. But because Jesus represented something different, or new, they conspired to lie about Him, to accuse Him unfairly, and eventually murdered Him. You cannot predict or control the actions or idle thoughts of others, but you can decide how to respond to it. You can make a difference to the ones closest to you by proving that you believe God's promise to never leave you alone or without His love and mercy. That He will hold you together in any situation of chaos. You can show the people that you work with that you are different through the way that you live your life. Your courage and ethical lifestyle, living in contrast to the world's values that say, "its okay as long as you don't get caught". These are the virtues and promises that protect us from the whispers of the world. Those that lie about us, cheat to win over us, and accuse us, even though the God of the universe has set us free from the guilt of our mistakes. Though you may not yet know how, you can silence them, one day at a time. Living under God's mercy and by His example; loving others, protecting the innocent, and walking through every day as though He was right there, step for step, following along with your life. God does care enough to hear your faintest prayer, and to tolerate when you need to yell, and question why. Why others seem to rejoice in causing you pain, or wish bad things upon you and your life. Bad things done in the secret of silence or the low tones of false friendships are very painful. But just as they can be destructive, God takes the soft and quiet disjointed pieces of our personal destruction and whispers hope and acceptance to our heart; that He loves us just as we are, and in that moment turns what others meant for loss and personal ruin, into our full and successful measure of grace and renewal..

Psalm 41 (msg)

Thunder in the Desert

          Recently, I was reading about a man that had been lost alone in the desert for nine days. His ordeal was surely one that I cannot imagine. The thirst from not having water would make one desperate enough to drink just about anything in order to stay alive. In his story, life saving rain came at just the right moments to keep him alive, when he was too weak to manage for himself. But there were days that came and went, when no rain fell. I'm sure he thought that the end was near many times; that his life's story in this world had come to an end, there in the California desert.
          One of the dictionary's definitions of desert is, 'any place lacking in something'. It sounds so unassuming, yet a place where any and all organisms struggle to survive is not a place to be. Life can be a series of events that range from your happiest day, to being lost in your own desert. Whether it's a desert of failure in school or work, or one of financial ruin. Perhaps the cruelty of human weakness through disease has come to you, or you can't control an addiction that seems to weigh over you like a massive boulder quarried from shame and self-loathing. Each time you see an end to your circumstances and pain, it turns out to be a mirage of lifeless vapor.
          Imagine yourself in the quiet, starlit night of a dry and lifeless place. The sky is intermittent with clouds, and in the distance, you see the faint flashes of lightning at the horizon. The delusion of hope grips your heart again. Days into your ordeal, you are ready to move toward the promise and find out, for certain, if the rain is real or not. After a seemingly eternity of thirst and heat, you long for the drops of wet redemption to touch your burned and aching skin, to wet the tip of your tongue if only to cool it for a while. This is the image of not only a desperate person in a dangerous physical place, but it also describes our lives in those times when we find ourselves in our darkest, driest moments. Those times when our spiritual tongues are dried and cracking from the lack of living water. When we've lost our direction or misplaced our purpose. We wander in our search for what makes us happy, or fulfilled, and yet rarely discover the answer on our own. The desert can be a place of great peril, and even death. So it is spiritually. If we stay in the desolation of a purposeless life, we will eventually die to the ways of good, mercy and hope. The desert will consume us.
          Unlike the man in my story, we do not have to wait and hope that the thunder will bring us spiritual rain. In John 1:19-23, God calls us to be His prelude. To announce that He is coming to a world of desolation and drought with the healing everlasting water. In John 4: 13-14 Jesus tells the woman that His water will forever quench our soul's thirst. In a few short chapters, John tells us that as we wander in our desert we should keep telling others about what God has done in our lives. Even when we are thirsty ourselves, dry and parched, we should point the way to His living water. In fact, I think that we are the most useful to God, when we've come through our own solitary wasteland. When we have seen and felt the sorrow of loosing a loved one, we are ready and trained to help those in need. To come through a life crisis such as the failure of a business, or betrayal of a friend, this is our desolation ordeal, and if we put our faith and resolve in the right place, it makes us a very credible voice to others in similar situations. I'm not saying that you have to die to understand what death means, or that unless you have been divorced, you can't know the feeling of abandonment or failure. Some people are gifted with the ability to empathize with those in need. But for most of us, the experience of life circumstances trains us to know when others truly need our grace and support.
          I believe that the church was called to help fulfill this function, to share with each other's passion and loss, in ways that would strengthen one another. Sadly, many times that seems to be the lacking ingredient as the modern church searches for purpose, instead of hearts. But do not give up on your search for genuine lives being lived with passion and those willing to share what they have experienced and learned from their conflicts. We do not come together to judge or count sins, we come together to find strength, and endurance. Find your place of belonging, where God's message is emanating from hearts full of grace and a natural caring for others, living day to day by His unchanging words and promises.
          If we are to have a chance for others to see our lives as a light of credible understanding, the fact that we have lived the same crisis or tragedy is a big first step. We are to be that thunder in the distance, the hope of good things to come. Seeing our survival, our continued resilience under fire, gives others an example of what may be close at hand for them, if they pursue with diligence the path towards the well of the living water. Our desert is not one of complete desolation, even though many times it does feel that way. There are many today on this journey with us, as well as those who came before and will come after, and we all look to each other for that promise. That hope of thunder in the desert.

John 1:19-23 / John 4: 13-14 (msg)

Our Last Day

Much has been written and said about what we would think of or do, if we knew today was our last day. Life is done, the great beyond begins tomorrow. Period. Would you think first of your children and their lives? Maybe you would write a quick letter to them, telling them that you love them, and impart some sort of lasting wisdom through your final words. For most of us I think, the thought of our last day is not one filled with joy, and suspenseful excitement. We fear those notions of finality. Of taking that next step on our own, where no one can come to our aide, or hold our hand. Although I know, and you should too, that Jesus came into this world so that the exact moment we fear the most, would be His best and most welcome wonder. We will not go into the future life, away from this world of pain and disappointment, alone. The grace and love of Jesus Christ will go with us. Comforting and contagiously helping us know that we are not unattended, but surrounded by family. The heavenly family.

          With that fear settled, and looking back at that last day of your life, what would you do? Who would you talk too or council? I know my own list is long, and probably impractical. Impractical because a day only has twenty four hours in it, and the plans and lists of people and things to see and accomplish would take more time than one twenty-four hour span. Precious time that I wouldn't have left, if it was my last day that is.

Thinking about it, I have come to a simple conclusion. Live every day as if it were your last one. Certainly a cliché, I know, but when I asked you earlier, what you would do, and who you would seek to be with or talk to, you knew as soon as I asked it, that your mind came up with far more things on that kind of list, than you could possibly do in the time given. That it might actually take a lifetime to say and do the things that you felt that you had yet to do. That is absolutely, without a doubt, the correct thinking. It does take a lifetime. You can either make yours a lifetime of blessings and learning from your mistakes, or you can let it weigh you down, repeat wrong after wrong, and leave a life full of regret, loss, and unimaginable sadness. That's really what free will is all about. The freedom to choose right or wrong. But it's more than that. It's also the freedom to do or choose wrong, and then later, choose to make it right, and learn from your experience.

          Even more than choosing to do better, freedom to choose gives us the opportunity to share with others our struggle in things or places where we have been wrong, or perhaps wronged. It allows us to give hope to others and offer them what wisdom that we have learned while we were in that low place. The freedom to choose gives us the chance to experience the greatest blessing in this world that I think there can possibly be. The chance to help someone else that is hurting, or downhearted. To give them a glimpse into what their future could be, by showing them that you have made it past those difficult times. That life can and will get better. Not perfect, but better. You are given the grace of your rescue, to offer the hope of rescue to someone else. This is an experience extremely hard to equal in life.

          In my last day scenario, I see my children grown and strong. Strong in spirit, and in faith. And also in wisdom. The wisdom to see others in need and respond. The righteous intellect of the Samaritan, who gave without wanting anything in return. It is easy to teach your children to be weary of this "evil" world. It's not hard to show them skepticism and have them grow into adults with no respect or morals to bind their thoughts. What is hard, and will be a sign of my success in life, is knowing that my children love God, love others, and live lives worthy of the respect of their peers, with grace, strength, and wisdom.

          Matthew 6:34 says that we should turn our full attention towards what God is doing right now. Don't become worried, or get upset about what may or may not ever come to pass tomorrow or the next day. God is here today, tomorrow and beyond, to help you deal with everything that comes your way, and He'll help you at exactly the right moment.

          That message is repeated in the Bible so many times it isn't hard to find sermon after sermon to substantiate what it says. Do not worry about tomorrow. But for me at least, it just isn't that easy. And what if there wasn't going to be a tomorrow? This seems to be where faith and knowing Jesus personally, fits into the answer column to all of our questions. If we could just know without any doubt, that He was indeed here for our every concern; That He hears our whispering prayers of desperation, and at that moment when this day is your last, He will welcome you with a hug and a warmth that we have only dreamed of in our best of times. Then, at that time, maybe we could know without worry or fear that tomorrow would be fine with or without us. That all of our depression and hiding in dark and quiet spaces would fade away into his presence.

          The reality of all of this is, with our simple acceptance of His gift of forgiveness, and our obedience to do the best that we can to follow Him and His plan for our lives, we open the doorway to the peace and warmth of Heaven's Prince. Though it's hard to wrap our independent human minds around it, God has made a way for us to know Him in a way that can and should, give us the wisdom and the resolve, to trust that when He says He will help us, at just the right moment, He will do what He has promised to do. Realize something for yourself today, each of us has stress and struggle within this world. To each one of us the ability to deal with our hardships comes in different strengths. In other words, what might seem world ending or horrible to you might not seem as bad to someone else. Maybe their struggles look easy to you, you who have never been a day on their path. So most importantly, don't judge or dictate for others what the definition of a crisis is. But offer the hope that comes through knowing Jesus as your best and personal friend.

          On my last day, I hope that I have lived life, like every day mattered. That I didn't waste opportunities to help others when I was called to be there for them. I pray that I have done everything that I can to show my children that faith and family, and the loyalty to it, cannot be over emphasized. That how I lived was my testimony to what and who I believe in. On that day, I want my wife and children to know that they were loved without measure, and my friends to know that they were cherished and enjoyed. You see the list can be quite definable, when your priorities are where God aligns them, and not where our selfish hearts put them. Examining that outcome for myself, I would say that I have some work to do. That I often fall short of living out what I just wrote. Maybe you do too. But God knows our shortcomings. He wants to see us succeed, but He is all too ready to help us up when we fall.

          Maybe today we can all take a step towards the goal of not worrying about something that hasn't yet happened. Taking one step of faith at a time, both you and I, can learn to trust that God does do what He says that He will do. Matthew 6:34 says it; God will help you deal with whatever hard things come to you, when that time comes. Whether it is a school final that we didn't study for, bills that we can't afford, the loss of a job, or the loss of a loved one, He will be there at just the right time, if we trust Him. And know, that the future will still be in His hands, on our last day.

Matthew 6:34 Msg

Solitude

     Having time alone, being by yourself can be a good thing. Sometimes we think better when we're not interrupted, or distracted by the noises that come with living a normal life. The extreme version of this solo lifestyle can be desolate and lonely. Movies often depict certain characters, thrust into living alone on deserted islands, talking to themselves, or inanimate objects to pass the time. In some ways, that can be the experience for a lot of us that are not actually alone on an island, but spiritually and emotionally feel alone in some part of our life. Whether you're a single person wondering if the "right" one will ever come along. Or your life in the church has left you feeling like an outsider because you don't have that "connection" or gift that everyone else seems to have. You may be a hard working person at a job that has given you very little inspiration or credit for how good you are at what you do. I am quite sure that I could keep on writing one scenario after another with this same theme appearing over an over, the question of being "alone", even when it's just a perception, not a physical fact. I certainly know some of these experiences on a very personal level. Hopefully, you don't feel perpetually stuck in one of them, because that is when the most damaging effects seem to occur. Those are the people that give up, and decide that life isn't worth living anymore.
     The good news is this, there is company for those lonely times. You and I do not have to face the desolate times alone. And no, they do not last a life time if we know where to look for the oasis. In fact, most people that have been lost and are successfully found do something proactive to make their-self visible to the searchers. In other words, would it make sense if you were lost to dig a hole, climb in and cover yourself up? Just sitting there hoping someone stumbled across your exact location so that you could be found.. Of course it wouldn't. But it has been my experience that when I felt alone, and lost emotionally, the thing that I most wanted to do was hide, and not be seen. To get further away from anything and anyone that might hurt me, or help me. I'm sure that I am not alone in that feeling. But looking at it right now, with the comparison of really being physically lost, and wanting to be found, doesn't our natural response leave little to no room for success? I hope this reaches you in a way that changes your perspective the next time that you have those feelings. That somewhere inside your heart, you realize that you really want to be found, and helped. But for that to happen, we cannot hide in our own desolation.
     In Isaiah 57, most versions of the Bible use the word contrite, meaning to be filled with guilt and remorse, longing for atonement. Atonement that comes through the forgiveness and grace of Jesus. But that verse says a lot more. It directly points toward an answer to what we've been discussing. In the Message of Isaiah 57: 15 it says, I am the God of Heaven. From the highest of heights, to lowest of all, the low in spirit, I put new spirit in them, and help them to stand up again. If you're looking to be found, or need a renewal in your body, mind or spirit, God himself says that He will do that for you. That he looks for the downtrodden and crushed in order to put new life into them. Does anyone else find that mind-blowing? God says when you are low, when you are in that desolate place of despair and personal destruction, He will put new life, and a new spirit into you. There is no reason to dig a hole, climb in and hide. You are promised renewal, and a new spirit. I don't know what that means for everyone, but it sounds better than never being found. Which is what will happen if we stay in our solitude, hiding. But if, like a lost hiker who wants to be found, we get proactive and make ourselves visible, we leave trail markers, or build that big smoke signal, if we call out for Him to help us, then God has promised to do just that. The promise isn't to make all of our problems go away. It isn't to pay off our bills or take away our sicknesses. The promise is to renew our spirit, and lift us back to our feet.
     Have you ever just fallen flat on your face spiritually or emotionally? I have, it isn't fun or pretty. And at the time, I wasn't really sure what to do to get out of that cloud. It felt lonely, even though I wasn't alone. I felt like a failure, even though that wasn't altogether true. It felt as though it would never end and I was doomed to the deserted island. Alone. But a small voice within my spirit eventually whispered to me that I could never be fully alone. That Jesus had promised never to leave me. And in Isaiah 15, God Himself also promised that as low as I got, as destroyed as I felt, no matter what had happened, He was there to put new life into me, and to pick me up onto my feet. Solitude may be a good way to get alone to pray, or study, or even just enjoy nature and the beauty around us at times, but it is not a punishment that God ever asks us to endure.
     If you are feeling alone, make yourself visible, call out to God. Don't hide. If you're single, God has that perfect companion in mind for you, and He will be with you in the search. If you long to find a church that loves you, and makes you feel like you are family, don't dig a hole and hide, reach out to God, talk to Him. Then do what the lost hiker does, seek the best direction to travel in so that you can be found. If you are that worker that isn't feeling the respect that should be afforded to you, or the promotion that could have been yours remember this, you are different from the world. As Christians we live in the world, but are called to act, look and be different. So don't complain. Work as hard as ever, and put in your time as though God was your employer. God's plan could be bigger than you think. Whatever your desolation, the loss of a loved one, financial ruin, drug or physical abuse, stress from pushing every day to it's limits, remember the words that God spoke in Isaiah, when you are low and crushed in spirit, and in your solitude, God will meet you right there. And in that moment, He will renew your fading hope through the light of His amazing truth and love for His creation. He has promised to pick you up, and help you stand.

(The Message: Isaiah 57:15)

A Calling Lost

     While going through some old notebooks in my studio, I came across this missive. It was written almost ten years ago, when I was struggling with the loss of my father, and the loss of a ministry lifestyle that was very bold and somewhat notorious in the community. I thought that God had finally planted me where my vision of using my gifts was going to be up to my expectations. Notice all of the "my" in that last sentence? While we did have a dynamic time of local ministry, and were used to accomplish some great and fun things, God had plans for us to grow and be used in other ways; plans that were not stagnant, and certainly not on our radar. In the years since that time, my friends and I have suffered tragedy, sickness, and change beyond our comprehension. The good news is this, through all of the hurt and struggle, God has been shaping us to His form. There have been great and wondrous times where I have grown to do things that I never considered possible. My calling swerved from sound engineer/producer and background singer, to worship leader then from worship leader to writer, speaker and author.

  What I want you to see by sharing my thoughts from years ago is this; you are made by God with a purpose. He has a plan to use you to affect the lives of others, but be aware of this, the needs of the kingdom of God change with the flow of time. The opportunity to serve God is never dull or monotonous, your calling is a journey through life's maze. It's something that needs shaping and experience, that's where life's trials and triumphs come in. Don't loose your direction, look for ways to renew it, change it, shape it into something that gives you meaning and relevance towards sharing God's love and grace. Callings aren't lost, they are abandoned. Don't walk away from yours, I promise that God has a purpose and a plan to use your life, every good and bad thing in it, to change a life of someone in need. The following was a time of just such transition for me...

  I was thinking lately that even people that we consider 'big time' in the ministry can lose their way, or worse decide it's just not for them anymore. It surprised me to read that the lead singer of a 1980's Christian rock super-group is now selling real estate. Once thought of as a premier voice in the industry, he isn't really singing or performing much at all these days. It's not that he had vocal issues, or the band ran out of material, he said that he just grew tired of the grind that touring had become. A close friend of mine, whom I consider to be one of the best public speakers and Christian teachers alive today, shared with me that he isn't really preaching at all anymore. He has other duties in his new church, administrative and financial responsibilities that govern the church, and really leave little time to think about sermons and sharing publicly. There is also our band, Last Second Chance. We have spent countless hours together writing, producing and recording music to share the gospel; we haven't sang together in months, and have no plans to play, write or lead worship together in the near future. What happens to us that makes us forget the importance of our calling? Certainly there was a lot of fire burning within us at one time. Is it burned out? Did we push so hard to get going that now we are too weak to sustain our passion? Or does the passion that we have, over time and spent energy,  just diminished on its own? A sort of natural leveling out of enthusiasm. Whatever the reason, the outcome seems the same, we retire ourselves from God's mission in our lives. Is that in His plan? Is He simply just done with us? This can hardly be the case! In many phases of life things change, priorities change, our needs wants and desires change. Sometimes our abilities change, but should this be a sign of dismissal to us? Positively not.. It should trigger us to think, "How can I change or adapt myself to stay relevant and effective". I hear those words and wonder why I cannot apply what I just wrote to my own life. Maybe it's all just about timing, God's timing not ours. Maybe, it's about ego, ours not His. Perhaps our biggest fault in ministry is thinking to ourselves "look what a great job I'm doing". Thinking that our plan is better than waiting on God's is never a good idea.

  Lets get back to basics for a thought or two, shall we. We all have gifts, you may know for certain what yours are. Some of of you may still be searching. Others of us search for fresh and new gifts and callings as we feel the old ones become less effective or needed. But the fact is, God has always known what your gifts were. He put them there after all and His intent is for us to let Him use them through us. So does it sound like something he would have us do for a short time and then quit or retire? Doesn't it seem a bit unreasonable that God would prepare, protect, and then deliver us into His time and place of meeting people where they have a need, only to have us throw in the towel after we get tired or worn? Could the purpose of God's plan, planting us into a special opportunity to share an experience through words or song, be that we are especially forgiven through grace, to be a credible witness for what He has done in our own life? All of my past and yours made you and I uniquely qualified to use the special talents that he has given to us in order to reach the hurting and make a difference in the lives of others. There is no retirement from giving yourself fully to Christ; there is however a renewal and seeking in Him, a path that keeps us vigorous and effective. Our calling allows us to joyfully and tirelessly share the good news of Jesus. Change is one of the few consistent things about living. It is certain to happen. How we respond to change will set the bar for our usefulness as a tool for God. How are you responding to the 'change' in your life. Are you finding more ways to share Jesus with the gifts that you have? Or are you more like me, you're wondering why God has put you on hold? After a little thought.. Has God really put us on hold? Or did we hang up on him... I think now would be a good time to pray and call Him back..

The Traveler

  Just how fast can an idea or news spread around the world these days? It's amazing to know that someone in Africa, Asia, the United Kingdom, South America and here in my home city, can all be affected by the news and events that are reported on live TV and online reporting. Good news and bad news, they all have a light speed conduit to the people of the world. It's surprising to me to see how many people are connected to each other via the worldwide web. There are televangelists with global capabilities and followings, news channels showing the latest crazy act of violence,sporting events that draw viewers by the millions, and yet the biggest paradigm shift in this world occurred when one man and 12 followers took it upon themselves to spread the message of love and acceptance. You may think that you're just one person in a vast world of information highways and currents events; that your actions won't have a significant impact on people, or change the course of anything with historical importance. You may not be famous or a dignitary, and yet it's easy to forget that the writings or ideas of one person, or the public failure of another, can make headlines worldwide. If it's that easy to impact an audience that's across the continents why is it so hard to spread the good news of the gospel? Do our argumentative and different opinions of what Jesus came here to do keep us from spreading the result of what he really accomplished while he was here?

  Growing up in church, one of the big events that would happen on occasion would be when an evangelist would come to town. They would put on a four or five day church meeting that some people call, camp meetings or revivals. It was kind of an exciting time. You could enjoy hearing a speaker that you really didn't know personally and he or she could get away with saying some things that your regular pastor could not. In today's world of being politically correct, it seems that this entire way of life may be gone forever. No one wants to hurt another's feelings anymore. Regardless of the dangers that our friends and family face due to poor decisions or hazardous lifestyles; no one wants to tell each other that they've been wrong or that they are living in a world of lies and selfishness. A world where the 'new' reality is what you make for yourself. Nothing could go wrong with that idea, right? In the case of the evangelist, it gave them a chance to speak on or about subjects that were sensitive within the regular crowd. They were able to speak to subjects too close to home for the local pastor. Sometimes known as the 'Fire and Brimstone' preachers, they did have a knack for shaking up the regular crowd and making them think about the words that they heard every week.

  I know that occasionally, in my fast moving and over scheduled life, I need to come to a point of reality realism. I need that abrupt stop, look, and listen that going into crisis mode puts us through.  I need to be reminded that, "I'm not all that". That pride and selfishness is a perpetual circle of disappointment. Even with a high self image, some days we also need to be reminded that we are more than we think we are. It's possible that you know the feeling of these emotions when they come over you saying, you're not good enough, or maybe you have feelings that tell you that you're better than everyone else. No matter which direction that you come from when you experience this personally convicting intersection, you need that reality check, you need advice from a person that maybe doesn't know you like a family or friend does. The person who intersects with our life in a way that shows respect, while earning trust. I hope you have a person like this in your life. If not now, then somewhere in you're past. Perhaps at youth camp, there was a special speaker that seemingly created every topic and message like they knew all about you, or a song on the radio that described your emotions or situation almost as if the writer understood right where you were.

  Part of God's message through the cross was to reach out to us in a way that would present the message of grace openly to everyone; not just for the salvation of the Jews, but everyone else as well. Eventually, left without their leader to guide them, the Apostles and the growing number of followers needed a link to God. A part of God that could be with them here on earth, in the solitude of prison and in the pressing of massive crowds, the presence of God was needed and present there. It taught them to seek God in healing and in worship. In the simple sharing of the message, and the desperation of extreme and violent torture, the Traveler was there. The person-hood of God, the very Spirit of His love and nature went with them, experienced  loneliness with them, spoke the thoughts of praise into their minds and hearts. Like time itself, the Traveling Spirit of God, finds a winding path through our lives. It connects with us through guest speakers, a song on the radio, Sunday school teachers, and well timed events in our lives that always seem to be perfectly aligned for the outcome that we couldn't predict. The Traveler knows when you close your eyes to pray, "God, this is my last chance". You may be young and full of wonder about what your life has yet to offer or maturing to that point where you think more about mortality and the next life, either one can be quickly drawn to the reality of needing God. A need of such desperation that your options are limited to one choice. In your searching for truth and peace, the Traveler sent from God knows no boundary. No situation is too serious. No illness beyond comfort.

  The 12 followers that Jesus called His closest friends, the ones that He laughed, loved and lived with, were all put into situations where they needed the guidance, comfort and peace that they had known in their friend Jesus. They found those things in the presence of the Traveler. If we never experienced sadness and need, we might never find the ability to appreciate happiness and favor. The 12 definitely experienced the full range of happiness and excitement, as well as sadness, fear, and despair. Though I am certain that they felt inadequate, worthless, and ashamed, they persevered to become full of grace, and outspoken about the message of a God that came here to earth, just for them. Just for you. Time can be our companion in life, when we use it to walk with conviction, and the knowledge that the Traveler is also here for us, to embolden us, to carry us when we are too weak to go on, to weep when we cry, and laugh when we are happy. My wish for you is that you will seek out this ally, whose mission here in our lives is to give us a sense of Godly presence and a personal experience with His majesty, the crowned and reigning philanthropist of grace.

The Problem with Sinners..

     I think this message points more to the established Christian as a warning, not to become complacent in our tolerance of bad behavior within the church. There are those who need to be held accountable, and although I don't always circle the proverbial wagons around a highly spiritual or theological teaching in these pages, I am basing this message on the love and grace of Jesus. As Ragamuffins, we have no earthly goods that would be seen as worthy in God's kingdom, and before we pass judgement upon another person, we should be deadly sure that the yard stick by which we measure is Jesus, and not our idealistically warped sense of what we have labeled as righteous. 

     Drug addictions, a drinking problem, anger issues, unhealthy sexual desires or habits; these are just a few of the issues for whom society waves the popular treatment banner. In our self-help, quick-fix modern church, these are the types of problems that "real" Christians shouldn't have to be dealing with, right? After all, you have overcome all those "major sins" by accepting Christ. Wrong.. Reality is closer to this; just because God granted grace to you, doesn't mean that He's also granted you immediate deliverance from your sinful habits. Some of those lifestyle choices are so much a part of who we are, that it takes time to let go of them. I will accept that God could, if it was His plan, deliver you instantly from them, and oh how excellent that would be. That isn't usually the normal path of Christianity though. I trust that God fully expects us to be changed people, and to make an effort to be more Christ-like, but chances are, you will not suddenly stop having the urge for a drink, and you will not have an instant attitude correction leaving you free from anger issues or desires that aren't of the purest nature. Most of the time God's plan works its way through our lives in a slow and methodical way, supplying us with answers to questions as we grow more and more mature in our faith. If we are to expect, as longtime believers, that Christians should instantly be delivered from their sinful natures and habits; and that the expectations of perfection should be put upon them as they attend "our" churches, then that cold and merciless thinking in itself, may be part of the problem with keeping new converts in your church.
     One of the quickest ways that I know of to deflate the energy and excitement of a new Christian is to tell them that they aren't quite up to your level, or that their clothes or the way that they dress aren't up to your church's standards. The problem with sinners is, for the most part, when Christans forget that they are sinners too. Before we accept Christ, we know that we are living on our own. Something tells each of us on the inside that we are not Godly people. In fact many times we wallow in self incrimination, telling ourselves that God couldn't love or accept us, that I'm a lost cause, or that the church would fall down if I go there. None of which are true. The idea of the Gospel was to prove that God's love has no boundaries, that common people are in fact, included in the mission of the cross, and that you can come to Him at any time. Christians who have forgotten that they are still capable of sinning are more dangerous to God's kingdom than any drunk, addict or abuser that I've met. Think about the repercussions of gossip, selfishness, pride, ignoring the needs of a spouse or a child; I would suspect, that these types of behaviors cause as much or more harm to those around us, than the so-called major sins. That's because they affect the people closest to us, and ripple outward from our lives. Our family, friends, and coworkers who see these flaws are saying to themselves, if that's what being a "Christian" is like, then no thanks.. What's the difference between just living, and living a hypocritical Christian life?
     The problem with sinners is that when we look at our own sin, we either see a cascade of unforgivable guilt, or we think that we are "about as good as everyone else". Both of these scenarios have huge pitfalls when it comes to accepting grace. It's our job as Christians to live lives that are examples of God's gifts to all of us. The gifts of acceptance, value, worth, honor and love, these many attributes sum up the grace that God has set aside for you. Grace to cover your past addictions. Grace to cover your abusive behavior. Grace to cover the lying, stealing and cheating. But also the grace to live as Christians and still be working on becoming more Christ-like. No matter where you are in the journey of walking toward or with God, His grace is your membership card into the kingdom of heaven.
     New Christians, don't use it for a license to keep on sinning and say, Gods got me covered. God knows your heart, and will not honor your lack of effort. Long time (mature) Christians, don't think that just because you've been around a while that you've moved past that sinful or worldly part of your life.
     Many years ago, a good friend of mine, a young man that was just beginning his walk with God, was discouraged by the judgement of the established Christians from the church that he attended. Mostly, I think the church leaders felt that he didn't dress in clothes that they thought were appropriate for church. Not that he was wearing clothes with holes in them, or that they were dirty or baggy; his clothes were somewhat dressy. He wore nice, pressed shirts that you might say were stylish and business like. What was their issue then? He wore shorts to church. Not the gym or beach style of shorts, but the type that are business looking, longer with pockets, something that you might see a UPS driver or park ranger wear. But that wasn't the only complaint they seem to have with him. The leadership had another major issue with him as well, he didn't wear a tie. At that time, the church still had ushers and he was happy to help with that task when asked. He was a brand new Christian, and seemed to be really putting forth an effort to get involved with the church, while finding mentors and others that he could grow with and be accountable to. His rude awakening was right around the corner.
     Although he was liked by many in the church as a fun and excited new Christian, there were some in leadership, those sinners who had seemingly forgotten that they themselves were still just forgiven by grace, that felt compelled to confront him. Their message to him was clear, if he wanted to be involved in "their" church, he would need to stop wearing shorts, and put on a tie. His current wardrobe just wasn't meeting their standards for the Sunday morning dress code. Apparently they made the point so completely and so forcefully, that it had a permanent and lasting impression on him. He never returned to that church. In today's church going, flip-flops and t-shirt standards, this story probably sounds so completely ridiculous and petty. The point that I'm trying to make here is this; the actions of a few church leaders, based on something that today seems so trivial, may have cost this young man years of resentment towards the church. Even though the ridicule that he was subjected to wasn't biblical or God's doing, I'm sure that in his heart it was the church as a whole that was to blame.
     I lost contact with him after that, and I can't say whether or not God ever repaired that young mans heart from the rejection that he suffered at the hands of "sinners". This I can say though, where was the grace in their actions? How differently would his life have turned out today, if the church had shown him compassion and understanding instead of judgement? We will probably never know in this world. What we can do is treat others as valued children of the same God that grants each of us our pardon. The same God that forgives each of us daily when we lose our temper, or fail to honor our spouses. The very same God that was failed by his twelve most trusted disciples, but never stopped loving them. The problem is not the sinner, the problem is the sin. We should never forget, that the pomp and circumstance that we sometimes make our organized church into, is never worth the cost of losing even one single person. Clothing differences, gossip and hurtful language, addictions, abuses of all kinds; we have to find a way to be Christ's grace to everyone.
     Certainly there is a time for admonishment when it is scripturally necessary and we should hold each other accountable through love and in a merciful manor, just remember that you are talking to a child of the God of this universe. A ragamuffin that's broken, worn and tired from the journey. Whether the lost are just finding their way into our midst, or whether they are our church leadership, members or closest mentors, we're never exempt from showing others the same unmerited mercy, grace and forgiveness that has been given so freely to us. The trouble with sinners is that they're everywhere, ourselves included.

Inventory

     Taking inventory of our lives and actions, what a daunting task. When I think of it I am both terrified, and joyful. Because like most of you, my life is full of failures, some of them whoppers to be honest. But also some really wonderful times sprinkled throughout a life of learning what it means to be human. When I was younger, I worked part-time in the summer and winter breaks as an inventory specialist for a local tractor company. Actually, I started out hoeing weeds and picking up litter, and as they ran out of things to assign to me, I was put to use performing the least favorite task of just about everyone that worked there. No, it wasn't being the bathroom janitor for a bunch of burly mechanics that spent their lunches at the near by flea market enjoying the local taco truck cuisine. I was put to work in the parts warehouse, opening every drawer, looking on every shelf, counting how many nuts, bolts, and washers that the company had on hand. The regular parts staff usually hated this job. But for me, it was money for girls, cars, and all those other things a high school boy needs or wants, so I was open to pretty much whatever it took to get paid. One thing that I learned from that experience was to be thorough. Count twice, check and recheck, never assume.
     When I think of taking inventory of my life actions and attitudes in that same thorough way, I start to run for the proverbial door to escape my own condemnation. If we look back on our own failures and emotional tragedies with the power of the 'truth', we will find that we are all evil by nature. In fact the Bible points out that we have all lived lives that have fallen short of God's plan for us. (*) That we are all sinners in need of a miracle to fore go the just reward earned through the deeds of our nefarious nature. Certainly we should look back. Not to judge ourselves as evil, but to learn and improve from our mistakes. Forgiveness from stupidity and ignorance, should not be viewed as a license for repetition. Looking back, taking inventory of our lives, must include the sight correction that grace affords us. Don't use that opportunity to pronounce yourself unworthy, or worthless, use the knowledge of the past to inspire your future. See the good in your life, not just the bad. In all of us is the ability to feel overwhelmed by life's speed and relentless tug to do more, be more, accomplish more. That idea is a trap.

     I spoke of life lessons, higher learning and success often with my Dad. He was a kind soul, with a flair for wisdom through experience. One day we were talking about a man that I knew from work, he was going to school at night and online to finish his masters degree. The man had spent countless nights apart from his children, become somewhat estranged from his wife. He had lost part of the fire to pursue happiness without the reward of money, or power. I'm sure you're beginning to see the picture. My Dad finally asked me, "how much do you think is enough"? He was asking me to think about the man's situation; was the fact of having the degree, going to school, worth the losses he was experiencing in his marriage, his home, and family? As God would have it happen, a day or two later, that same man asked me into his office to discuss a business matter. When the subject of his hard word and struggle with school and the decision of whether or not to continue with it came up, I just listened. I didn't go into his office intending to say anything about what my Dad had said to me. After a minute of talking he paused, and I finally asked him what my Dad had asked me, "how much is enough"? We discussed the raise that it would afford him and his family. We talked about the respect of his peers as he would then be as "successful" as they were. I just kept asking him the same question, but in different ways. Will this degree make you closer to your wife? Will this promotion help your relationship with your children. We spent a few minutes taking inventory of the causes and effects of his choices. Later, he eventually decided to postpone his masters efforts until his children were older and he had more time. And happily, his marriage, children, and his promotion all worked out for the best. That day did make me think about my own choices though, and take a hard look at why I was pursuing some of them.

     When you look back and inventory your own life, what will it consist of? Where will your priorities and gifts be accountable? I am not saying that higher learning and gaining a degree or promotion isn't Godly or the right thing for you to do. What I am saying is, why are you doing it. Is it a positive in your life? In the life of your spouse or family? Or is it weighing you down, changing your priorities to less than righteous plans? It doesn't have to be job or school related. Putting your priorities anywhere that takes away from your responsibilities to your spouse, family, or faith is the way that your inventory gets altered. You see, we all have inventory. Choices and events in your life, both good and bad, create inventory. We control what kind of stockpile that is built up as a result of our lives and efforts. Do you suppose that when we stand before God, in the life after this one, and He asks us, "what have you done for My kingdom?" that you or I would likely answer; I abandoned my kids and wife in order to complete my degree, so that I could gain respect or get a raise. Do you think that we will answer, I didn't spend time at home, because I was serving and volunteering at my church, they needed me after all. Again, I'm not trying to say that being successful, or having a great higher education, or serving in your church or community is a bad thing; please hear that. But the inventory that is really important, the account that God seeks from you and I the most, is our inventory of people. How many lives did you affect for good? Did you love your kids and teach them the honor and respect of having a great earthly father? Did you stand by your commitment to love their mother through sickness and health? That is the inventory that someday, you will be asked to recount. Did we feed the hungry, cloth the poor. And try this one, did you share the grace of the Gospel with someone that really desperately needed to hear it? Money, fame, education and power, those things alone don't make a good inventory. Most of the time though, they don't ruin it either. We do that all on our own. When we rely on our status to make us happy or worthy, we've set ourselves on a path towards disappointment in God's eyes.

     When you look back at your life, whether you live to be 20 or 100 years old, what will you see? Will you see the emptiness of success without God's calling upon your life, or will you see the balance of serving His purpose and loving others into His kingdom. The storehouse that I want to see in my life's history is full of family and friends, but less familiar faces as well. People that I ministered too without knowing it or them necessarily, by living a ragamuffin Christian life. A life that isn't perfect, but is seeking to do anything that I can, to share the grace that I have been given. It may be that your time has come to adjust your inventory. That's what we used to do when the number of actual items found in the stock room didn't match what the list said we should have. If you have been looking into your own personal storehouse of life and are not liking what you see, adjust your inventory. Take the proactive approach to change your priorities, to seek God's plan in your life, to make your marriage and your family the valued asset that it's intended to be. Seek out the Master's list for your inventory, and in the end, the result on that day He calls you to recount your life's priorities, you will find it full of loved ones that know God's grace, family members that love and respect you, and a lot of surprising strangers that, through your life of virtue and goodness, are better off for having known you.

(*) Romans 3:2

Foxhole Faith

     Everyone knows the saying, "there are no atheists in foxholes". Especially when you're in battle; under fire, about to be overrun, and feeling the 'end' is near. Impending defeat from a fierce enemy has a way of speeding up the soul searching that we do to find our purpose, our reason for living. Often that battlefield searching within ourselves reveals a need to believe in a power, an order, beyond what we see and know here in this world. The call goes out to God, save me, or take care of my family. In crisis mode, when things are as bad as the soldier thinks they can get, faith in God is natural, easy, and outright compulsory.

     In our desperate times, we too turn to God, whether it's to save us from something we've done to ourselves, or from what danger someone is about to impose on us. We shout to God when we think He has been unfair to you or subjected a loved one to an illness. Or when a family member or friend is taken to heaven. Even as believers, there are times that we do not seek God until we are frantic enough to admit that we cannot solve the problem on our own. Issues big and small, crisis that are life-threatening or not, each of us has a threshold, an ability to cope, that once reached forces us to seek a source of deliverance beyond ourselves.

Foxholes can hasten your belief in God,

they can even inspire you to reach out to Him for absolution.

But they can also be a great place to hide

     I see two kinds of Christians in foxholes. The new Christians, that just realized how much they need God and are accepting God's grace at light speed because of their immediate need. And the Christian that has known God's grace and forgiveness over and over. The tired and worn Christian, that obeys and takes up the arms of the battle only to find that they can't go on. Exhausted, used up, consumed and eaten alive by the "religious commandos" of the church Pharisee squad, they hide. They hunker-down and take cover, just in sight of grace, but not quite under its full power and forgiveness. Afraid to move, paralyzed by fear, shame, or the ridicule of others. This is a very scary place. To know that you need to move towards God, but not have the ability to move. To see the Savior at a distance, but not believe that He is here to care for you.

     Foxholes are also full of dead soldiers. Those that never found a way out. That didn't believe that they could be saved, or that God could forgive them. This is the condition that I seek to help you and I avoid. We all struggle with acceptance, and self-worth at some point. We think that we've fallen too far or done too many bad things. That we have already chosen our path, and it's too late to change it. The good news is that God doesn't give up on us when we fall. His love is unlike anything we experience here in this world, and his forgiveness stretches farther than you have ever been. Most of His chosen men fell upon doubt and disbelief when Jesus was crucified. As with us, they failed. But God had a plan for them, and though some of them hid in their foxholes waiting for the battle to calm down, grace came to them where they were. You see, those in the foxholes who die because they are too afraid or conditioned to believe that they can make it from where they are to where God is, fail to realize one thing.

Grace meets us where we are

     Scars, defeats, sickness, addictions and all, God sends the might of His generosity and compassion to our hiding place. It pierces the darkness of our lonely struggle to believe that we aren't alone in our foxhole. The truth is that He is as near as the air that we breathe. The deeper you dig, the harder it is to see out of your hole. Don't stop looking for God to answer your call. Don't ever stop. The good news I want you to know is this; He has already answered your call. Before you were in trouble. Before you knew that you needed Him, and before you were born into this world, He loved you and wanted you to know Him. Hiding in your foxhole or not, He has a purpose for your life, and He will meet you on your battlefield. You are the front line and the last line of God's enduring mission to reveal Himself to each of us, through good times and bad. Seen or unseen, He is within reach; do not lose faith. Close your eyes and touch the hem of His mercy and forgiveness as He answers your call, reach out and you will be renewed.

The Strong Survive.. Or Do They

  These thoughts may be a bit self recriminating but as always, the intent is to share my thoughts, and find solace or maybe a hint of a solution in the process of writing them down. Though sometimes I tend to paint with a broad sounding brush, the focus is the topic and how it affects those that indeed fall into the category and subject. My apologies to those of you who have already discovered the secrets of living or do not suffer from the points made hereto.. 

  In wars of times gone by, the brave and the courageous have conquered and fought for the good and the bad. Men and women, who felt a calling of leadership, whose compulsion to be more than ordinary, were the backbone of creating a society of liberty, with rights and privileges. Truly, you cannot have freedom without sacrifice. Over time this burden can become heavier than all the weapons of war itself. Being a strong leader, or the protector of family and virtue, it's a heavy burden to evaluate where duty and love intermix with the stress and dangers of life and doubt. As parents we want to impart on our children the values that we hold dear, the memories that we made with our parents and mentors, renewed and imprinted into their lives. Husbands and wives, doing whatever it takes to protect each other, to spare each other from the stresses, the disappointments, and the pains of life and loss. The 'Strong' hold closely to the value of protecting who and what they hold dear, even if it means sacrificing themselves in ways unknown to those around them. It begs the question; how long can a 'strong' leader continue to sacrifice? What price is paid internally for telling yourself that others are more important than yourself? Over time, piece by piece, you make a deal with yourself saying that it's necessary to protect the ones that you love, or the things the you cherish. Think of it like this; people in life or death situations, the foxholes of life, often pray to God that if He will save them, they will give up some bad habit, or addiction. For strong leaders, heroic leaders, its often a promise to themselves, a deal with the devil within, that if they can just hold on, and be the person everyone expects them to be, the knight in shining armor, that then and only then, will they be given the chance to be called successful, respected, or worthy. Self destructive? By their very nature, some leaders give so much of themselves that it does become self destructive. History shows us over and over where good leaders are destroyed little by little when they give more of themselves, or think more of themselves, than they should.
  I want to focus on just one man of history and biblical fame in my thoughts here. David was born into a family where his worth was subject to jokes and ridicule. His youth was spent in the shadow of his brothers. But God had a plan to use David to lead and protect the people of Israel. Without retelling you the whole story, which you can find in Samuel, Kings and various books of the Old Testament, I am just looking at how leadership eroded Davids inner self. But more importantly how he handled it. And how God handled it! David lived and lead through victories and personal defeats. Some of his actions were despicable, but God loved him and continued to bless and use him. Why? I think it was because David continued to seek the presence and love of God. He found sorrow in his mistakes and grieved the pain that he caused to the innocent. His heart found God's love, one mistake and one victory at a time. This is the message to us from God, and the point of this writing. As leaders; as parents, wives, husbands, and just about anyone that you can think of, God asks us to seek Him in the things that we do. Our leadership skills will be our undoing if we think that we are capable of always being right! Through mistakes, and a humble, heartfelt remorse, we learn to value others and know the frailty of love, respect and friendship. This is how 'The Strong' survive- with success. David instructed his successor, Solomon, to honor the friendships and loyalties of their allies. He also reminded him of the fate of their enemies. Throughout his life, failures and successes, God used and blessed David. And he ended his life on earth regarded as a man of God, and loved by God. 
  Though you and I may never lead a kingdom of David's wealth and power, we do lead. We have children who need mentors and guidance, we have spouses who need love and grace, and we work and live with others who are constantly watching to see what is so 'different' about these Christians. What I hope they see in me, are not all of my failures, but the fact that I keep looking to God and saying, "I'm ready to try again". Do the strong survive? Yes they do; whether they survive and continue as successful, respected men and women depends largely on how they handle their failures in life. It takes very little courage at all to quit when a person fails. It takes a lot of courage to admit your were wrong, and try again, using wisdom and humility to continue to lead or mentor. I hope you haven't given up on yourself, or on how God can use your place in this life to help, mentor, lead and bless others. Somewhere there is a person, or persons, that He has placed in your life-path for just that purpose. How you live and lead through your mistakes is just as important as how you live and lead when you are victorious and successful. The 'Strong' do indeed survive, but they thrive when they realize that alone they are not strong, but with grace and perseverance to seek God and live genuine lives, they can and will survive not only as leaders, but as respected, Godly heirs to a kingdom greater than David's ever was.

Randy
May 17, 2015

The Reunion

   The older I get, the more people that I know, and hold dear, pass from this life to the next. I wrote what follows to describe what could be, not what I know for sure. I am not a scholar or a theologian, but I know that God has promised all of us not to forsake us. In our biggest hour of need, I trust that His promise is the most powerful for those who are desperate to find peace and a glimpse of love lost. For those who remain..

   A warm sun filled the sky, and a gentle spring breeze blew through the budding branches of the neighborhood trees. It was a perfect day, no coat, just right for short sleeves and sunglasses. As he laid in his bed, his breathing was labored and he could not speak, but he could see this nature through the window, and he wondered, what would it be like. Not to have the sun in the sky, not to feel the wind on his face and in his hair. His wife was at his side, singing softly as she stared into his eyes, no words were spoken, but he felt her say "I love you" in her touch, and he answered her in the only way that he could, the squeeze of his hand. Since cancer had invaded his body, he had wondered about this time. At first, he trusted that God would heal his body. But Gods plan is not always our idea of the perfect design. His body had slowly been reduced to a shadow of its former self, but his love for her and for God had not diminished.
As the afternoon light grew dim in his eyes, he lost sight of his wife of many years. Although she never left his side - he felt alone, but more at peace than he had in some time. It took a few minutes for him to realize that the pain in his body was gone, but slowly he found himself imagining that he was walking through the most lush and green forest he had ever seen. Tall ferns grew everywhere, and he seemed to be on a grassy pathway that leads through the tall trees and wound further than he could see. He could smell the scent of something like pine, but not quite. After only a few moments he noticed what seemed to be a man sitting at a table alongside the pathway. The man was dressed in white, or at least he thought so. Bright, glowing light seemed to surround him. "Hello, and welcome," the man said as he approached. "I've been waiting for you," he said as he lifted his coffee mug and offered one to the newcomer. "I don't know how I got here," he said, but the man at the table interrupted, "you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Welcome" at this moment he recognized the man at the table, it was a dear friend of his that had passed away many years ago. A little surprised at how calm they both seemed to be he asked,  "Am I dead?" "You aren't dead, you're healed," said the man at the table. "And you've made it to the next part of your journey. A most wonderful and exciting odyssey". Just then he noticed many others joining them in this peaceful and beautiful setting. People and family members that he hadn't seen in years. Loved ones that had passed on, they were all there gathering around him, one by one saying hello and giving him hugs of joy, and telling him how much they had missed him. As the crowd grew larger and larger, there was one man he knew that he should recognize, but couldn't place his face, or where he knew him from. "Who was that", he thought to himself. He seemed to know everyone there by name, and they all focused on him as he came forward. "Welcome, my faithful child," he said as he hugged him. "Jesus?" whispered the man as he collapsed into his arms. "Yes, welcome home. We've been praying for you to find peace in your illness. And now, you have it". "My wife!" The man said realizing he was not going to be waking up from this vision, and knowing that she would be heartbroken and alone... Jesus quieted his fears by reminding him, that they had learned to trust in God together, and that she was in good hands. "Thank you," he said as they began to talk and walk throughout the gathering. They hugged and began to visit among the crowd. They laughed together and told stories of their adventures as the family and friends continued to celebrate his arrival.
Her eyes filled with tears as she watched his last breath leave his body. His hand in hers, once strong and guiding, was now still and unmoving, expressionless. She lifted it to her lips and kissed him one final goodbye. For the next few minutes, she sat quietly. Crying, remembering, and praising God that they had never given up on their promise to love each other. Unseen to her right and to her left, there were two beings standing near her. They were shrouded in bright light, at least in they're realm. The angels were there, watching, comforting, and guarding her for him, in her time of grief, doing what he could no longer do. Sent by the master's command, they watched over her, wiped her tears, and gave her the blessing of a flood of memories that made her smile and laugh a little. She wondered what he was seeing. What it must be like. If he could see his family, his friends. What was heaven like? What a wonderful reunion he had talked about having when he got there.
A few days later, she laid his body to rest. Kind words were spoken to comfort the living and respect the absent.  She smiled as she imagined him looking on from a distance, telling those with him how much he loved her. He was indeed there. And he was telling them just that, someday he would hug her in person again. She vowed, that she would look forward to that day when she would run into his arms again. The day that would be their reunion, and chance to praise God together, again. Until then

Randy
For Dad, Greg, and Johnny, I miss you all and look forward to our reunion.
4-24-2015

The Imagination Solution

     I was reminded lately, that as children, our hours and days are spent with an abundance of imaginary adventures, fun friends, and far off places. We have fun, experience new things, and relieve the stress of our young lives by believing in something or someone who is exciting and brave, or beautiful and talented. In our imagination we can spend time on a desert island, or snow-covered mountain; we can visit with people we have never met, or have a conversation when family members and mentors that have passed away into the next adventure. It seems nothing is beyond that idealistic realm, it's a possibility among all possibilities.

  Each day that we live and grow older, we lose a small piece of that ability to believe. We learn that life is about reality and not about fantasy. And this affects us in very profound ways. We lose certain abilities to see the good in life, and the kindness of a gentle gesture. The hope that can be fostered by one good happy thought. It may not help us "fly", but the lack of this belief has also blinded us to the realm of possibility. We have no problem believing in unproven theories of science and probabilities, even though they are as hard to see in real life as the miracles that we so often seek or dream of.

  If we could look at life with the same perspective of hope and dreams as we did when we were young, would we live happier lives? If you allowed yourself to dream of things that you haven't known or enjoyed for most of your life, would you strive a little harder to attain them? It is a sobering thought when I think that I might be my own worst adversary when it comes to conquering fears about the unknown or working through unresolved issues. We say and think that we seek happiness and prosperity, but the path to those goals does not always lie in a factual, and realistic world. I have to stop to consider that my attitude and how I pursue happiness could be a bigger stumbling block to succeeding at what I seek, than my physical effort. Is it possible that we desire what we don't understand? Or that our spirit tells us that we are so unworthy of that reward that we really will never get there anyhow, so why try?

  I know that as I walk this winding road of life, that I feel the pressures and pain of every loss, every day. To say that my attitude is not always a positive one would be an understatement of monumental proportions. But of things unseen and yet to be known, a God who loves me and wants the best for me, is as hard to understand as putting a number or order to the stars of the universe. How do we bring ourselves to believe in a God that is as much unseen and mysterious as our childhood dreams? It's not easy. In fact, it is one of the hardest ideas to fathom. But faith is like that favorite song that you heard when you were a child. Sometimes you can't remember all of the words, and you hardly know anything about who wrote it, or when; but when it comes to mind, or you hear it hummed or being played, the feeling of comfort and happiness is as clear as the morning sky. Faith is using your imagination, your hope, and your reasoning, to believe in something far more wondrous and compelling than yourself. It is the solution to the phrase, "how ?". And imagination gives our faith a media within our minds where the images can play out our dreams, our gifts, our love, and friendships. It may just be, that Faith is the solution, to our earthly imagination.

Randy

(4/2/2015)

The Pretender

   Some mornings when I wake up, I have to take a few minutes and remind myself of who I am. Like the dreams of the night were my real persona and the daytime is just a cover. That’s a good word for what I feel like most of the time.. Cover; what’s my cover story for the day. How will I hide my feelings, my hurts and anxieties today? It is a preciously narrow tight rope that I walk, from the reality of my private and dark emotions to what people want to hear from me. They don't want to hear that I am sad about loss, or that I'm afraid of growing old. They don't want to hear about my aches and pains, or my check book full of dwindling numbers. What do people want from me? They want the Pretender. They want to hear from that quick witted person that makes them laugh, and cheers up their day. They want that strong leader, and that shoulder that’s always there to support them. Being the Pretender takes energy every day. Some days, consuming all that I am just to carry out the charade. I understand that God knows my heart, and He must wonder what and who I think that I am. “He made me to be something more than what I've become”. At least that is what I tell myself. I must be meant for more. And in that thought, the trap is sprung. I set in motion for myself an all-consuming mission to carry out the ill-conceived notion that what I am is not good enough for God, for me, or for anyone else. The Pretender lives to serve and impress others; To be what I cannot be on my own.
   Knowing this, God sent a messenger to me. Someone that I could not doubt. An innocent yet trustworthy voice of reason in my world of disengaged thinking. In my children I found acceptance. I found value. And yes, I found a reason to live outside the pain and uncertainty that life piles on us every day. On occasion I pretend to protect them by playing my part, doing what’s expected, and putting on a happy face, but they see through my efforts from time to time, and remind me that they want to be with and love the real person that I am. I still have the darkness that chases my thoughts. When I struggle with the part of me that I don't want them to experience, I remind myself that God granted me their love and company so that I could learn to adapt. To change myself a little each time that I get a hug, or a hand drawn card or picture. The Pretender still walks with me every day; inside of me he’s whispering to my mind, that who I am and what I deserve is not happiness and love. But as I wake every day, through the aches and pains of growing older and finding out that I’m not who I thought that I would grow up to be, I do my best to be a real dad, a loving husband, a good son, and a genuine man.

-Randy
(2015)